LIVERPOOL!

1.5

2011-12-07T23:36:00.000+08:00

tag replies.
daryl: i know what you mean.. but the moment i reach camp, i just don't feel like moving and exercising. it's a very sian feeling, just wanna nua in camp. -.-
e-hui: it's damn annoying lor. when i delete those messages right, some of them "IP already banned". then still can tag. WTH.

one month since i blogged! wow!

suddenly it's less than two weeks ago to the trip. people say time flies when you're enjoying yourself. but i really wasn't.. time still flew. at first it was slow and torturous. but now it's like i've kinda gotten used to it -.- leading a silly and boring life. with iphone apps to occupy my time. using my leaves and offs to go hcult training. maybe in time to come, i'll look back at these one year and ask myself, why did i not do anything else that was useful? useful to society, useful to myself. not just play and leisure and zuo-bo-ing. is one year a lot?

it's nearly the end of the year. looking back one year ago, i would say that perhaps i can think better now. not that i'm smarter or what, but that i think now i know how to deal with a lot of stuff better than last year. the slow and boring and mundane pace of life that i've been living in for this one year, i guess it gave me lots of time to stare into blank space. but on better days, i find that i sometimes kinda enlighten myself in certain issues. hm. have i really? maybe i'm just trying to make myself feel better about this wasted year...

one of those quotes that i came across this year while randomly surfing the net as usual. "the money in your bank is not yours, until you spend it." i quoted it to my sisters. neither of them understood it. not surprising. but anyway, it made me rethink about why i've always been VERY STINGY about stuff related to money and such. i can say partly it's because of my parents, how they drilled and drilled into me that money is hard-earned etc etc when i was really young. how they had flatly refused to buy me ANY games at all, until i learnt to just stop thinking about it. how tidbits and drinks were a waste of money. but then when i grew older, into the secondary sch days, my dad started telling me to be more generous. don't save so much money etc. and then i'm like WTH?! cannot accept it. so i continued my stingy ways which never felt like stingy to me last time HAHA. anyway, i'm still quite stingy now, so whatever. but at least, from my own perspective, i think i've improved. hm. but i think my generosity (if there is) varies quite significantly from person to person. actually, everyone is like that right?

anyways, to enjoy the trip properly, obviously i should heck care the amount spent. but it's not so easy to heck care it... honestly honestly speaking, i felt really sour initially. when certain plans changed and the price suddenly just ^^^^. but idk.. the feeling just kinda faded away the more i wanted to go over. i really really want to enjoy the trip. but i'm not confident that'll be the case. hai.

haven't really gotten down to packing yet. will probably be nagged to pack during this weekend. which i would try to do so anyway, even without being nagged to. but if i fail to do so, it'll be down to the usual last minute rush. not like there's too much stuff to pack in anyway. more or less know what to bring already. the important thing is still to adjust my feelings and how i feel about this trip! and how to bring the most optimal emotional state there such that i will totally enjoy it :D but EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY, how to adjust my body clock and sleeping cycle to fit the time difference there. that's one scary thought really.

maybe i'll just NOT SLEEP the night before i fly. that might work. but i shouldn't be practising it now, so off i go to bed!

weak resolves

2011-11-08T23:01:00.002+08:00

today as i walked by my camp's running track, i thought to myself. am i really going to aim for gold? am i really going to put myself to that insane interval training again? every other day? i thought to myself that i should just be contented with a silver. and live my slack life the way it is now.

i'm such a loser. hai. where's my resolve?! i need a motivation. and that extra $100 apparently isn't enough. :/

i just need to get started. someone somewhere, push me please!

5.5

2011-11-07T23:05:00.003+08:00

tag replies.
jingyi: no money no stock! :D
frosticfire: cleared already! i only clear when i'm posting :)

haiii my training plan has taken a big hit since i haven't done any training in the past 2 weeks. stupid stupid stupid illness. i think i'm finally recovering alrdy. this time, western medicine worked its wonders! i have no idea how i'm gonna hit <9:14 in 5 weeks' time in my current state. probably lost some weight thanks to this bout of flu plus the lack of training would have returned me to square one before i started my intervals. zzz! i guess it's not entirely impossible. i could go running every day like during course time. but that's plain self-torture!!! D: or every other day? haii this is frustrating. i planned a weekly programme coz i didn't wanna train so frequently. but i guess i have no choice but to do it. all for that extra $100. argh.

i can get silver easily. but the PTI gold really must train for it. hai. guess if i wanna take, i should book soon? or leave it till feb. wth wth wth nonono. confirm cannot. CNY period sure eat bak kwa like a pig. hai. it's either i be happy with $100 for silver. or train hard for that extra $100. guess it's worth it. time to buck up and run more now..

my birthday just came and passed. watched killer elite with eugene. i neither find it nice nor not nice lol. would have been better with subtitles though. their accent damn hard to catch :/ there was supposed to be a birthday dinner though i didnt attend it in the end. looooong story haha. but i think i made the right choice ba. it would have been way too awkward..!

in any case, it's already november. i've been 20 years old for quite a few days already. it's scary to think that i'm already in the 20s region. frankly because of all the frightening scenarios you start to think of. like when i turned 10, i didnt think much of it. because when you're still in that 10s region, you're still schooling, nothing much changes. take each day as it comes. and poof, all of a sudden, ten years have passed. so quickly, too quickly. thinking of the next ten years is rather frightening. or should i say, thinking of how fast it's gonna pass.

being 20 comes with a lot more decision-making and responsibilities. impending adulthood. it's funny how we spend our childhood hoping to become adults, and now i'm turning adult, i don't want it to happen. i think it's good to break up my life into the decades. just to look at it, and perhaps you can see what you want in various phases from there. like what do i want to achieve before i turn 30. something of a long short-term preview.

freaking weird to imagine that in the next ten years, i'll be starting work. trying to backstab and sabo people so i can get promoted. LOL of course not. but yeah, i'll be trying really hard not to get backstabbed and sabo-ed so i have a smooth-sailing career. speaking of which, i can't even imagine me working. because i don't have a job in mind. materials engineering related? i also dunno where i'll end up. there's still so much uncertainty ahead, i guess that's what makes life more interesting! but after working in the RSAF, i'm a little wary of the workforce out there. just how many more STUPID AND RETARDED AND JIA-BA-BO-DAI-JI-ZO people will i meet? not really looking forward to it. hm.

k enough of my next-ten-year series. i guess i'll continue taking it one step at a time like i've always been and pray that i'm on the right track. as long as i don't regret my decisions, i should be fine. though i foresee that i'll have to make some future plans in the few years to come. not my style, totally. but i think it's necessary.

alright goodnight world!

7

2011-10-27T22:46:00.003+08:00

tag reply.
jingyi: LOL it wasn't meant for anyone to realise :P

week 1: 6 X 400m. 1:30 per set.
week 2: 7 X 400m. 1:30 per set.
week 3: 8 X 400m. 1:30 per set.
week 4: 3 X 800m. 3:00 per set.
week 5: 3 X 800m. 3:00 per set.
week 6: 4 X 800m. 3:00 per set.
week 7: 2 X 1.2km. 4:30 per set.
week 8: 2 X 1.2km. 4:30 per set.
week 9: 1 X 2.4km. <9:00. :D
week 10: IPPT GOLD

didn't manage to do any training this week. reason being that i'm feeling sick. lol out of the 5 people who went JB with me, 2 are already quite ill. guess i'm the 3rd one oops. guess i'll try and do two trainings next week. gotta recover fast. not much time left to train. argh.

7 weeks. suddenly it doesn't seem so much longer. come to think of it, 7 weeks is seriously quite short. i've gotta go exchange USD soon. and buy winter wear and stuff. not even prepared for such a long trip. long trip meaning long hours on the plane, not long holiday. feel like bringing books to read. but zelia said it'll add to the luggage weight significantly which is quite true. i'm more afraid of spamming iphone games until my batt dies before half the trip lol. maybe can charge during transit HAHA.

i'm rather scared that i'll leave everything to the last minute. being the last minute person i am. G_G i'm keeping tabs on my bank account. hope it doesn't deplete too much when i come back, to the extent that i have to work full time after ORD-ing. at least i'll still have two months worth of NS pay after the trip. time to save up save up SAVE UP!!!!!!!

8

2011-10-20T22:52:00.002+08:00

and it's getting closer all the time. 8 more weeks to go!

week 1: 6 X 400m. 1:30 per set.
week 2: 7 X 400m. 1:30 per set.
week 3: 8 X 400m. 1:30 per set.
week 4: 3 X 800m. 3:00 per set.
week 5: 3 X 800m. 3:00 per set.
week 6: 4 X 800m. 3:00 per set.
week 7: 2 X 1.2km. 4:30 per set.
week 8: 2 X 1.2km. 4:30 per set.
week 9: 1 X 2.4km. <9:00. :D
week 10: IPPT GOLD

i did my training only today as the past two days were raining badly. and i failed rather badly too. this is week 3 of my training. supposed to do 8 X 400m. but i went ahead and did week 4's programme instead. and failed terribly. zomg. D:

first set of 800m, ran a 3:00 exact. second set was a 3:02. could tell i was dying alrdy. zomg. D: third set was the failure. i couldn't continue after running just 400m which i clocked 1:28 for. haiii. so i only did 2km in total today. cuiiii.

ashamed of myself zomg. next week, maybe i'll punish myself by doing one more training session. if not, i'll stick to my week 4's training prog of 3 X 800m. and hope i don't fail again.

despite doing today's training at 10am which was alrdy kinda hot, i thought i could meet the requirements. siannnn. seems like i need way lots more training to hit my course time standards. time to buck up!

define normal.

2011-10-12T22:41:00.002+08:00

i feel a little philosophical today. after recent happenings in camp. or rather, recent gossiping in camp.

it's funny how we despise/ostracise/outcast people when they're not "normal" compared to the rest. or rather, in other words, the minority is seen as abnormal. a simple search on google defined normal as: "Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected." so i guess we are therefore JUSTIFIED to say that the minority is not normal? since the meaning of the word itself already excludes the atypical, the unusual, and the minority.

in recent weeks, my office people, including me, have discovered (to our delight and disgust) a few gay people in our camp. we had sources, so our discovery was like, by verbal means. anyway, the stories we've heard thus far, were greeted by both curiosity for more, and at the same time, utter disgust. the funny thing is how, some of us are so curious and want to hear more, but at the same time, think that these people should all just disappear. :/

for me, i'm honestly really really curious to know like, how gays see things, and how different they are from us, the normal people. and i got one answer today, when i asked a certain someone today this question.

me: so do you find girls attractive?
him: er. looks only lor. but not sexually.

hm. which i guess is the same as normal people? it's like, okay, i can find that this guy looks handsome, but not sexually attractive to me! which tells me pretty much that, they're not so much different from us what. so what's with the outcasting and despise etc?

but the disgust comes when well, he talked about the uh various ***ual experiences he had. i guess i really can't accept it but at the same time i wonder whether he finds the "normal way" disgusting?

i always find that when we try to put ourselves in people's shoes and think, we would perhaps understand where they're coming from, though we might not understand how they feel, fully. like from his perspective, he'd see that he's normal, and that we're the abnormal ones. though perhaps he's long been pressurised by us to BELIEVE that he himself is the abnormal one, which truthfully speaking is really sad for anyone. what if it so happens that YOU were born that way?

hm that being said, i think if i found out that a gay likes me, i'd still feel very gaowei. so i'm not like totally acceptive of that concept yet. but i believe it's only right that we don't look at them with those tinted glasses like what a lot of ppl are doing. (in camp i mean.) and i find that it's very very demeaning and insulting to like group them like that and allocate them an "inferior status" just because they're gays. what difference is that from voldemort implementing the blood status thing to sort out muggle-borns and pure-bloods?

even though i talk so much, there are still some things that i really find unacceptable. that i will still find WEIRD or ABNORMAL. though i suppose being gay isn't really one of those pet peeves anymore. i'm not perfect, and therefore i understand why people find gays weird and abnormal. but if people all try to understand each other and not despise just because others are different, the world would be less biased and a much gayer/happier place to live in.

nice pun to end off my post ;)

training week 2

2011-10-11T22:40:00.002+08:00

week 1: 6 X 400m. 1:30 per set.
week 2: 7 X 400m. 1:30 per set.
week 3: 8 X 400m. 1:30 per set.
week 4: 3 X 800m. 3:00 per set.
week 5: 3 X 800m. 3:00 per set.
week 6: 4 X 800m. 3:00 per set.
week 7: 2 X 1.2km. 4:30 per set.
week 8: 2 X 1.2km. 4:30 per set.
week 9: 1 X 2.4km. <9:00. :D
week 10: IPPT GOLD

i so wanted to stop at 6 rounds just now. and i'm so proud of myself now that i didn't. there's really this awesome feeling of like self-pride when you complete your training plan. had stitch at the start of my 6th round. probably coz i ate a small chocolate roll and drank some water 10 mins before my training LOL. but yup, that's week 2 done. next up is 8 rounds of 400m zomg.

there were two rounds today, which i came in at 1:31. haha crappy. damn perfectionist la me. but really damn tiring. i'm getting used to the 9 mins pace again. judging from my rounds, all of which were completed between 1:29 - 1:31. damn zhun! only thing now is sustainability. train train train train.

and 12 pull ups? argh. i think i can do 10 really really standard ones when i'm not tired. but yesterday i did only 8 standard ones at home and nua alrdy. cuiiiiii. though i think i can like struggle and force my way up to 11 or maybe even 12. but being a pti, i shouldn't even think about doing sub-standard ones haiii.

maybe i should start going go the gym and do lat pulldowns. siannnn.

okay time to sleep!

10/10/2011

2011-10-10T22:10:00.000+08:00

it's been 3 years. :D been through a lot, and came through it all. just glad for everything!

GHS was kinda random, so to speak. we formed a really really random team. we had j1s, j3s, and us the j4s. and the team's objectives were very very different. in that, i guess people like danette and kevin just wanted to play for fun. while (i think) kanzy, lincoln and i wanted to play and win. think we shouldn't anyhow form such a mixed team like that. there were times when i was so frustrated with some screw-ups but then i just kept cooling myself down by telling myself it's just for fun. :/

but it doesn't make sense to pay $15 to play for fun, AND lose my new disc (SUO2011). honestly, what's with this world. what's with all the discs-stealing. like come on, if yours got stolen, do you have to steal one back? argh. i feel so pissed off with whoever took my disc and didn't return it. i wrote eatdisc 14 behind that disc. and hopefully that whoever is decent enough to return it to eatdisc somehow. if it was intentional theft, then curse you. i was honestly quite sianned by the whole thing. my stolen disc, i mean. luckily i was smart enough not to take out my beloved berkeley disc to the fields. freaking hell, if my berkeley disc was stolen, i'll make sure i stop the whole damn event and search every single person and their belongings. screw those no morals idiots.

if i ever decide to bring a disc to a competition again, i'll make sure it doesn't leave my sight for a second. that's the second disc i've lost at a competition. that makes $30 gone.

rant over. and the day is ending soon too. D: sucked to spend this day without you, but there'll always be more 10/10s to come!

9.5 more weeks to go! :D

10.5

2011-10-04T23:03:00.004+08:00

144 real days to ORD. 80 working days to ORD.

i finally finally went for self-PT today. took such a long while. but i'm getting more motivated to train harder now. i promise myself that i'll go for IPPT before i fly in dec, and achieve a GOLD.

interval training today. six sets of 400m runs. each round in 1:30. well i have 10 more weeks to train. i'm gonna post up my training plans here. knowing myself, if i don't do this, i will confirm slack it off. shall take this week as week 1.

~~week 1: 6 X 400m. 1:30 per set.~~
week 2: 7 X 400m. 1:30 per set.
week 3: 8 X 400m. 1:30 per set.
week 4: 3 X 800m. 3:00 per set.
week 5: 3 X 800m. 3:00 per set.
week 6: 4 X 800m. 3:00 per set.
week 7: 2 X 1.2km. 4:30 per set.
week 8: 2 X 1.2km. 4:30 per set.
week 9: 1 X 2.4km. <9:00. :D
week 10: IPPT GOLD
week 11: spare week in case i need to push back my training D:

alright fantastic. but other than 2.4km i also need to do 12 pull-ups. at the moment.. er. well. LOL. guess i'll need to get back my 12 pull-ups as well!

the training programme looks really daunting as well. but it's already way more spread out than what i did during PTI course so it should be fine. i just need to find ways to motivate myself. to run AT LEAST once per week. which is likely every tuesday evening. hopefully i'll clock one more training per week. maybe on thursday evenings. if i can bring forward my training plans, then all the better. for all i know, my self-training might churn out better results than during PTI course!

whatever, i'm damn motivated now. really hope it wont be gone overnight. shall turn this blog into a temporary training log. jiayou me!

next up. 7 sets of 400m under 1:30 each.

11

2011-09-30T23:40:00.003+08:00

tag reply.
siu: eh that was unintentional!! i can't change the pict size leh. that's the original!

11. still pretty long to go..

in any case, i'm getting closer and closer to ORD. still can't start my 100 days countdown yet though. suddenly, i envy those who enlisted earlier. hm.

SUO 2011

2011-09-20T15:14:00.002+08:00

tag reply.
siu: HAHA here goes!

SUO2011 has come and gone. two days of intense ultimate competition. but we wouldn't have even been participating had it not been for zhangkai's suggestion. truth to be told, honestly i didn't feel that the time was right for us to be playing in SUO. maybe i was totally awestruck by the past SUOs i've watched. and i thought we weren't there yet. well yes, we definitely have a long way to go. and i thought we'd be like the weakest team in SUO. maybe what some people have been telling me is true. we truly underestimate ourselves too much.

prior to SUO, someone in camp who also plays frisbee told me that, his friend who was also playing SUO said his team was wary of Eat Disc. no idea which team it is. but he cited that Eat Disc was dangerous because we have a lot of chemistry and the team spirit's high. i really glowed inside, happy that there actually are people who think of us as a dangerous team, a team to watch, and a team that could pose a threat anytime.

it's just so amazing. so miraculous. it's really unbelievable that we've come such a long long long way. from way before Eat Disc was even formed, all of us being utterly noob players. i remember the first SUO i watched, that was at farrer park fields. we just all stood around in awe. we were dreaming that one day, just one day, we MIGHT be able to play at that level too. yeah, we dreamt alright. and we've woken up from that dream, and FULFILLED that dream.

i was so wrong when i thought Eat Disc weren't there yet. i can't believe what i was thinking when i initially didn't want to play SUO. money was a factor. but more so, was the lack of belief in myself, and the rest of the team. i'm sorry to have thought that way. but now i know otherwise now!

as we were in the thick of the games, it just felt so natural. so natural that we were playing in SUO. i guess that's progress. we've come such a long way. it feels all natural that we're at this level now. even though there's still so much to work on. we will get there someday. and now i'm dreaming again, WUCC? maybe, just maybe, we MIGHT just get there.

i would say we did pretty alright in SUO. we beat Wildcats (Malaysian team) and Masala Chai (Indian team) rather decently. while losing to Disc Knights (SG team) and this Australian team which has a rather long team name that i can't recall. won 2 lost 2 on the first day. we thought we could give the Aus team a tough fight. but they tore us apart rather simply with their excellent movement and quick passing. that was also the game in which kanzy and i shouted at each other. :/ which reduced me to tears. i couldn't believe i actually flared up. neither could he. that was the first time for me, and hopefully the last.

second day of games was rather disappointing for us. we lost to Flying Sprockets (Philippines team) 11-8. that match was an insane morale booster though. we were trailing them at 10-4, one point to game point / point cap at 11. but we managed to score 4 unanswered and the team morale was at an all-time high. everyone was jumping around yelling and helping the team from the sidelines. but finally things weren't to be, and they scored from a breakside cross-field hammer after i threw a disc which evaded my intended target and turnovered. D: oh well, i suppose we all knew it was a tall order to win it from 10-4 down, but it was amazing to see us fighting for every point that we could still get. we were all damn high even after we lost. and i'm sure we gave the Sprockets quite a scare! :D but i think they did deserve to win, after they just tore our zone defense apart so easily. but we would have loved to have gotten something from the game as well, purely for our relentless will to keep fighting.

however, we lost to jack's TriUne team on universal point. that was the big big disappointment. we all thought that we would beat them. but somehow we just played rather badly. a lot of the times, we were stuck at the handlers line. couldn't advance at all. :/ it was just damn jialat. and my mark got the hammer throw which i totally lost and got caught in no men's land. :/ ended our first SUO journey in a bad fashion.

i'm already looking forward to the next SUO. yes, i now can't even imagine us NOT in SUO. we will definitely play better next year. overseas teams, watch out for us, and remember our team. :D

that said, there were a lot of jersey swapping on our side, daryl and choon went to swap jerseys with players from Mochi, which was the eventual champions. and they got their shirts! quite cool haha, though i'm not a fan of jersey swapping. reason being i love the eatdisc jersey too much to give it away, and secondly, i'm too poor to buy another eatdisc jersey. thirdly, other people's sweat. yucks. nonetheless, it's still amazing that somewhere out there in the world, eatdisc jerseys are being worn by foreign players. not talking about jiawei and sham obviously. but like wow, it's like our "brand name" has even made it to outside singapore! amazing!

to sum up, i'm still very much amazed by the quality of INTERNATIONAL players. exactly how good are they! shiok fought so hard against mochi in the finals, but still got owned 15-9. and just for viewing pleasure, presenting to you, team MOCHI.

the SICKEST layout score i've seen in my life. such a pity we were sitting at the opposite side.

well i have a picture of my own too.

after this picture, i have a personal goal to make.

to try and close my mouth when i throw next time. buck-teethed!

14

2011-09-12T23:59:00.000+08:00

14 has never seemed such a big number! because 14 weeks is still a really really long time to go D:

that being said, i have less than 100 working days left to ORD, if i forecast my offs and leaves. but well, the truth is i've still got 166 actual days to ORD! all according to whymustweserve.com.

i realise i have quite a lot of things i want to do before i devote the next 4 years to uni AND the rest of my life to working. and i'll have half a year to try and do them all!

before all that was a memory lane trip down hwachong. and that was on saturday, where we had pvsp and maf. i've always thought that the idea of pvsp is just simply brilliant! and i'm definitely going to play every year if i can make it, regardless whether there's frisbee or not.

this year, we got to play frisbee again! though moost of our girls went overseas, we managed to get jingyi and sarah to play. got second though, lost out to the seniors in the finals. though we were kinda disappointed we didnt win, i think we still enjoyed it pretty much nonetheless! :D $100 worth of capitaland vouchers plus a silver medal to boot! hehehe now my trophy/medals cabinet is rather crowded liao. i'm finding it hard to display all of them! :P the most important thing was to get back the feeling of playing with my batch again. and what tops it is playing on the same high sch main field we were so used to last time. hopefully we'll get to play again next year with more of our girls! this time, we'll be bringing the gold medal home. :D

MAF was great. got really really high singing all the old classics with the hcult people. went yelling away the songs with marcus. nearly lost my voice, but nowhere near daryl's true standard of losing his voice. LOL. the lyrics are just so well-written that i always look at the meaning of the song instead of listening to the tune. yes, i might not have chosen to go to hc out of my own free will, but i'm thankful for all the blessings in disguise that came my way ever since.

met my jc classmates as well. i'm genuinely sorry to ningxin for not turning up at class dinner before maf despite promising to do so. :/ maybe i really shouldn't have said yes when i knew that it was going to depend on circumstances. but i know organisers hate it when people reply "maybe". argh i know that's just another excuse as well. :/ still, i felt really awkward meeting them at the class bench. whether it was because i just pangseh-ed dinner with them or it's because i always find it hard to talk to them. there's just absolutely zero common topic i can talk to them about.

even when i talk to them, i hate how the convo goes. not that it's their fault, i think it's because i feel it's damn zuozuo. like everything is forced. but i think i'm the one who's making the forced convo. and i feel so disgusted with myself. and then finally when maf ended, they were talking about going out somewhere to hang out. a bit of me wanted to spend some time with them. but the bigger part of me didn't. part of me wanted to go say bye to them. but part of me knew it'd be another zuozuo convo about why i'm not joining them again. and so i ran off. without saying anything. D: it sucked. D:

idk.. it just seems so hard to talk properly to them even though i do want to. it's just.. sad. D:

that's partly why i hate orientation camps/groups so much. all the friendliness can just so easily turn out to be a false image. like how jc class orientation appeared to be so rosy. i really hope uni wont be a repeat of it. it'd be a lot a lot worse, considering i'm staying in hall with them, at least for a year.

okay it's getting late. should try and go to bed now even though i slept like 10+3 hours today already. goodnight world.

D:

2011-09-04T21:49:00.001+08:00

I HATE TIME DIFFERENCE! D:

be contented!

2011-09-03T21:21:00.003+08:00

15 weeks moreeeeee. it's so goddamn freaking torturous i really hate it. D:

on weekends like these, usually looking forward to soccer matches. but tonight there's none. zzzzz. sucks!

the whole of the past week was occupied by frisbee. main thing was the hectic week in camp. which also happened to include frisbee. wednesday was all preparation for the RSAF anniversary. which i was damn stressed about. due to the fact that i had to take 2000 plus people for warm up and cool down. which happened to include the chief of air force. a 2-star general. G__G. plus the only ME8 in SAF. and for fun fact, zoe tay's husband. it helps that i don't recognise ANY of them. so i just pretend they are all little bobbing heads that will listen to my commands and do whatever i tell them to. thank god all the things that could have gone wrong didn't go wrong. all the AV equipment worked fine and stuff. phew. this kind of thing, i suppose if you do it all the time, it would come naturally. but it's the biggest crowd i've ever taken. damn scary. looking down at the soccer field, filled with people, is really quite traumatising. interesting experience nonetheless i guess.

after that, really heaved a sigh of relief. and then it was games day time! got lucky again as i won my third frisbee competition in NS. guangyu was on MC so our only obvious rivals were visibly weakened. but nevertheless, they managed to get their hands on an NS-man WHO WAS THERE ON RESERVIST. and guess who? it's none other than my first frisbee coach, mr wong chee wai -.- damn cheat haha i didnt know ns-men can come play also wth LOL. damn coincidental but whatever. but in the end, we won all our three matches comfortably, round of eight 4-0, semis 5-1, and finals 4-1. and for ego purpose, i scored 3 in the finals. :D all were ee shan's assists HAHA.

was hoping they'd have medals or something. but wth. i thought a RSAF level event would have medals. but they only gave the overall challenge shield. which was won by my camp/command thanks to our victory in frisbee. we were tied on total points with another command and frisbee was the last and deciding game, whoever won frisbee would win it. my higher-up who is the one who schedules me for my monthly duty jokingly asked me how many duties i wanted before the match. hint hint that if we won it he might give me less/no more duties. well i hope he's serious about it. HAHA. maybe, just maybe, i might not have any more duties until i ORD. HAHAHA. that'd be far better than getting medals.

also met up with one of my PTI coursemates after the event for lunch. for some weird reason, while i can't clique with them as a group, i somehow can actually have stuff to talk to them individually. sometimes. it was rather interesting, thinking back about all the course time stuff. stupid stuff that happened. although most of it weren't particularly pleasant and enjoyable, i guess it's still rather nostalgic. actually, i have to admit that i dreaded every single day of my PTI course. sometimes even hated it. but thankfully i pulled through it. always with the end in mind, that i won't live to regret it. that all will be for a easier life in NS. and here i am, leading a really good life now. i'm glad and contented. :D

meeting up with my frisbee batch tmr. :D for PvsP training LOL. hm. are we really too competitive? i mean yes, i would really want to win it. but honestly, i think i wouldn't be too upset if we do lose. coz i really quite simply just want to play with my batch ppl again. what with all this eatdisc stuff that we're in now. if it wasn't for pvsp, i wouldn't actively be remembering how it all started out. i mean, of course i would never forget how it all started, but the very thought of pvsp just makes me think back everytime, how we used to train at the high school fields, the college fields, the central plaza, and even the area beside my class bench. quite frankly, jc is the most impactful period of my life. and quite honestly, jonquek is the one i have to thank for most of the happy things i have in life now. one simple, random, seemingly insignificant act of suggesting/asking me to go try frisbee after being rejected by MAD (LOL). how it changed my life afterwards is really just, amazing.

i shudder to think how lifeless i'd be now, if that one random suggestion had not been made. probably gaming away my NS life. or wait, i might not even have been physically fit enough to become a PTI had it not been for frisbee, and thus i might not be having an easy NS life now. for all i know, i might be somewhere overseas, sleeping in a shellscrape now. LOL cui.

being contented makes you appreciate little things that happen in life. like how my dad forcing my secondary school choices onto me has been a blessing in disguise, well it was in disguise for one whole year. i'm lucky. really really lucky.

but still doesn't change the fact that 15 weeks is rather a long long time away. D:

17

2011-08-21T23:26:00.005+08:00

tag reply.
siu: come on! you got all the time in the world next time to come back and play as the PAST!

self-reminder: PLEASE REMEMBER TO BRING THE TEN COPIES OF INDEMNITY FORM FOR PVSP ON THE PVSP DAY FOR THE MOST AWESOME BRILLIANT FANTASTIC 502ND LEAP YEAR BATCH.

spent nearly the entire day at home today. that's a first, since many months ago. got to waste time around at home. on the comp. watching soccer highlights. watching pokemon lucario movie. playing FIFA. just chilling and stoning around.

it's nice to have one of these days once in a while.

i just don't want days like this to happen too frequently, especially over the next few months. damn. wish i had a time-turner. to fast forward time. hai.

i can enjoy the tranquility, from doing nothing at home. but there are factors at home that make it much less enjoyable. during that time that being at home was not a given, getting to be home was so much more enjoyable. now that they have taken my being at home as a given, after i get to stay out as a PTI, being at home is a lot less enjoyable.

my sisters' homework becomes my homework. honestly i'm freaking sick of schoolwork. 12 years of schoolwork already. and i can't even take a break. everything's my fault when they themselves don't bother asking their teachers.

i'm told that i'm not making better use of time, when i stay at home and do nothing. and yet, when i go out and play frisbee etc, i'm told that i should stay at home. sometimes, stay at home SO THAT i can teach my sisters. in other words, do their homework for them. HONESTLY.

i really agree with one idea that the naruto story has been trying to convey. the world will be a better place when people understand each other. or when people even try to understand each other. people expect everyone else to be like themselves. so they never try to think in other people's shoes, me included. adults forget what they were like when they were young, and so they expect their kids to behave "better". i understand that. i understand their point of view. i don't want to argue nor quarrel. and so i shut up and don't say anything.

tolerating and avoiding quarrels. that's so my style. but this year, one particular event made me realise that it doesn't always work out that way. then again, i'm still doing it, to most people, tolerating and avoiding quarrels. always trying to understand why people do and say the things they do. knowing that that's how they are, nothing people say will change them. because people are mostly stubborn, me included. that's why i'm still stubbornly the way i am, tolerating people for not trying to understand others, avoiding quarrels when people piss me off, because i understand that they won't try to understand. most people anyway.

plus sometimes, even when people do understand, they won't believe in it anyway. that's stubbornness. and that's how the world works. ah well. yes i know that tolerating everything and sucking it all up is bad. but i still can't change it. stubbornness? yes i know. hai!

and so, in the end, i conclude that nothing will change. well, unless something major happens, or someone so persuasive comes along the way. otherwise people usually will continue to be stubborn and believe in what they always believe in. oh well!

what a weird post!

on the fringe 2!

2011-08-19T23:38:00.002+08:00

tag reply.
kyish: HAHA they still won in the end! i think de gea will still be zai next time la.

okay, admittedly, mediacorp is producing better quality dramas nowadays. at least, ON THE FRINGE 2 IS FREAKING FANTASTIC. realistic to the max. plus really awesome acting, that's including the five teenage leads as well. i think they really captured the thoughts of teenagers nowadays really really well. probably why i like it so much! it's like the only mediacorp show that i will actually go to xinmsn.com/catchup to catch the episodes that i missed. hm well, i did for yesterday's missed episode. and i'm so glad i watched it. totally brilliant. sad plots. mind games. touching stories. the foray into teenagers' way of thinking is absolutely realistic and accurate. zomg. it's THE drama to watch this year. i bet it'll sweep a lot of the star awards awards this year. zomg!

okay enough fanboying. -.-

upcoming events!

2011-08-14T22:57:00.002+08:00

tag reply.
jiawei: o.o what??? don't copy me! D:

first up on the list, would be hwachong's past vs present. i really really LOVE this competition. for one, it gives me a chance to play frisbee with the bunch of people i started out with. and it's a really really special feeling. it's absolutely the best event the council has ever come up with! think our team of ten are, me lincoln marcus kanzy zhiyang yiding yuzheng jingyi lily sarah. probably. i don't think yangxuan can play competitively D: hopefully yuzheng can make it! but lily has to leave halfway. hope she can come back in time for finals? this is one competition we cannot fail to win :D our awesome 2008 batch. otherwise wrongly known as the 502nd leap year batch. seriously retarded team name that only lincoln can come up with. HAHA (Y)

and after that is SUO. to be honest, i'm not as excited about SUO as PvsP. maybe it's the pressure to perform, and knowing that we'll probably get thrashed by every team, and that it'd be just a learning experience. i feel not much anticipation for SUO. nonetheless, i must psycho myself to put in my best for it. it's the last chance to play with jiawei and daryl already. well, at least for the time being.

took a nap this afternoon. woke up nearly 3 hours later still feeling damn tired. must be the accumulation of sleep debt in the past week. i guess i can repay it all now. i'd rather not be able to. D:

i feel really really empty now that zelia's in US. no more going out on dates, frequent SMSes etc. plus no more summer league. not many more HCult trainings for now. all of a sudden, all my favourite things to do in life seem to have just disappeared. D: and my mum thinks i like staying at home playing the comp all day. no? comp games are damn no life. hai. as much as iphone games are no life as well. i'm still addicted to tiny tower. -.- not only me though. even lincoln picked it up HAHA. and now there are online guides and strategies to tiny-tower effectively.

my boss wont be around in camp tmr. that means i should just camp in the library all day? :/ hai idk. another 18 more weeks to go. that's even longer than my PTI course as well.

nvm. shall now use after-work-time to train running with eugene. hopefully i can hit 9:14 and below for 2.4 again. then i shall go take my second year IPPT. get $200. fund a bit of my trip in dec. and help eugene get his $200 as well. HAHAHA

oh. man utd's leading 1-0. looks like liverpool will be placed 6th after tonight. but it's alright, first game of the season only. time to go get some proper sleep. goodnight world..

D:

2011-08-13T23:45:00.000+08:00

good times fly by. and one month of fairy tale's gone just like that. D: and now begins the slow and torturous four months. four months. is really freaking insanely long. even BMT was less than that. D: slower and more torturous than BMT.

at the airport today, everything happened so fast i didnt even have time to realise what's going on. and then, you're gone. D: maybe i was just sleepy and seh. or maybe i was already in the ultimate sian mood by then. hai.

went for eatdisc training today too. did quite cui-ly. guilty of concentration lapses on the D. something which i told myself to work on not too long ago. but i just couldn't concentrate today. at least i could still bring myself to throw proper backhand throws. which i'm glad to say has a decent completion rate now. forehand on the other hand (figuratively), is deteriorating. really sijie, there's always one throw which needs working on all the time. i have never enjoyed a period of time where both my throws are high completion. it's either i train backhand too much then forehand cui, or forehand good then backhand sucks. i can't seem to achieve a balance. if i can't throw a frisbee accurately, play what ultimate?

and EPL kicks off today. liverpool just drew 1-1. nice goals on both ends. not a bad result i guess. man utd won the league last season with a cui start anyway.

playing soccer with some camp friends tmr. think i'll nua and walk around as usual. should go sleep soon if i still want to not pangseh them tmr.

tired ttm. fell asleep on bus 27 from buangkok mrt when i was coming home just now even though it was only for one stop. nearly missed the stop -.-

hai. i guess it's back to the lunch time chiong to library and fb chat again. don't like this D:

D:

2011-08-10T00:41:00.001+08:00

D: D:

four months is really damn long. D:

day to forget

2011-08-07T21:29:00.003+08:00

from the moment i woke up today, nothing went right for me. hai.
i need someone i can talk to now. where are you? D:

pre-end of summer.

2011-08-06T23:24:00.002+08:00

when i snap, it means you've really crossed the line. seriously, a bloody 23-year-old acting more immature than a 15-year-old. grow up please.

i'm so god damn tired now. and i still bothered to go. half regret it now. zzz. it sucks that everytime my camp friends like to meet either right before frisbee comps, or during frisbee trainings. every single time kena pressured to go. and i can't reject every time. and they're nice ppl so it's not like i don't want to go. but this is one freaking time that i didn't enjoy going.

on a separate note, summer finals is tomorrow. i hope we grab this chance and make a statement to the SG ultimate community. that eat disc, is freaking here to stay.

COME ON GUYS. IT'S TIME TO OWN THIS.

confidence

2011-07-26T00:07:00.002+08:00

it feels really good knowing that someone trusts you enough to dare to sleep on the car you're driving, as compared to someone criticising every too-heavy brake that you step.

psychology is a powerful thing. you can make or break a person with it. as are the things you say, which boosts or shatters someone's confidence. it'll be really really tricky to deal with it as someone aspiring to lead a team to glory. i believe i'm up to it!

i'm excited! and, i'm ready for this.

bring it on! :D

awesome week!

2011-07-23T23:56:00.002+08:00

tag replies.
daryl: HAHA i'm really excited to be!!
jiamin: yes it totally sucks. the game's not supposed to be like that :(
e-hui: i got post in LJ!! just that they're private LOL.

lololol i just logged into msn for the first time in like a month? or more than that actually.

the past week has been awesomeee! and good times really fly damn fast zomg. it's been wts one week already. got one more week, then one week camp, then left last week before you fly again. darn. D: seems damn short la. but hai, must treasure it!! three weeks later i'll be back to sian mood again D:

i've watched HP7 part 2 twice already. still think that they have way too many unrealistic scenes. some scenes which weren't in the book that were put in were awesome. but other scenes that SHOULD have been included weren't, and it's really a pity i feel. the molly vs bellatrix scene was way too short la zzz. and the snape vs mcgonagall part also too dull. after watching it the first time, i was damn damn sad. my tears actually came out at the snape clutching lily scene D: and there goes all my years of reading harry potter. the movies have ended too D: idk if any other book in future will have such an insane wide reach, but i still feel a bit lost now that harry potter craze is kinda over.

an online quote that's spreading like wildfire sums it up really well.

When you're still reading Harry Potter at 80 years old and your children ask, "After all this time?" And you say, "Always."

it'll be one big part of my teenage years that i'll always remember. chionging to hougang mall popular on the day HP7 was released, i got home with the book at 12nn. and read all the way to 8pm. 8 hours on my sofa, just reading and reading. and after that i couldn't believe i was done with the series. it's so surreal!!!

and of course, emma watson ftw! :D

watched x-men first class twice too. i gotta say that it's more flawless than harry potter!! and the entire plot is just too brilliant. everything was linked so well. even the parts that they didn't follow what was in the comics was done excellently. it's really the best x-men movie EVER. truly deserving 4.5 stars man.

it's summer tmr again! vs lagi shiok then off to party at nichoo's house. I WILL NOT SUCCUMB TO PEER PRESSURE. so i'm not going to drink beyond what i think is my limit. and i think my limit is very little HAHA. i shall make it back home early enough before my parents go crazy. and i have work on monday coz i got no offs to take and i don't want to use my already depleted leaves which has 2.5 days left :P haven't even told my parents about the party yet lor. G__G

7th inter-jc!

2011-07-16T23:45:00.002+08:00

there goes inter-jc. ended as quickly as it came. i'm sure the j2s are feeling like it was all a dream. some of them will probably feel like WHAT? IT'S OVER?! that was exactly how i felt then. after all the trainings and team dinners and class bench flicking sessions etc etc, it all ended in one day. one day really isn't enough to capture all the hard work they've been through, all the scoldings, all the ups and downs of each individual in the team. but i guess that's how life is. when one part of your life reaches a conclusion, another part starts. and for me, i have eat disc now :D

i think the j2s didn't really surpass expectations. they did what we knew they could, and i guess not crumbling on the day itself is an achievement on its own. but all of us always know that they could have done one better. or two. it's amazing how another batch of HCult has come and gone. yes we're 3rd again. but i think we've been doing fantastically well on our own, without any established coaches. it's not the end of their ultimate journey (for some of them), that's for sure. they'll improve in time to come!

j1s on the other hand, i thought, did exceedingly well. at least, on the few rare points i got to watch them, you could see the fight and desire in them. they are, if i may say so, the most fearless j1 batch i've seen in HCult so far. very different from the LOL team that played the random SJI game at farrer. i see lots of potential to be tapped on. and i'm really excited to be the one who's going to unleash them! already looking forward to the next inter-jc!

on a personal level, i can't believe i actually made such a mistake in officiating the finals. D: i was so affected by it. i'm damn sorry to the acsi players. i really really hope that it wasn't because of me that made them relax a bit and allowed the comeback. i was so so so scared that i caused acsi to lose the finals. i was thinking that they were going to hate me for the rest of their lives for like half an hour. D: omgosh. it's much much worse than causing your own team the first place. D: hai. D: okay must stop thinking about it. D:

the finals was disgustingly bad spirited though. i think the only way to combat such bad behaviour is to finally start introducing red cards though. i'm very disgusted to see such horrible behaviour in an ultimate game. they have to be punished harder than just minusing two seconds off the stall count. it's really really very unfair to those who play by spirit of the game. it's pathetic and extremely upsetting to see the day when red cards and player dismissals have to be implemented in ultimate, but it's seriously the only way to stop these befoulers of the game. why do the good guys only prevail in movies and dramas? D:

the vermonster session was insanely fun. jack and co bought back 3 tubs of vermonster from cathay. and i helped to finish all 3 :D and now i'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by it. hope i don't get any stomachache or whatever! i can't eat spicy food, but i can certainly take some ice cream :D

tmr is summer! hopefully we can extend our winning streak :D i think we'll probably be the underdogs, but we've been doing rather well lately, so who's to say that we won't come out and stun everyone again? :D jiayou EAT DISC!!!

and it's time to finally catch some sleep.

eyewash!

2011-07-14T00:05:00.002+08:00

tag replies.
daryl: ya la ya la coz you hattrick ma LOL
cynthia: you bring your own la! we don't need :D
siu: coz dayong's cool and i like to follow him!
jiawei: AGREED.

hm when i reflect and think about the j1's performance today against the random SJI boys, i realise that actually their throws and technical skills are better than my batch when we were j1s. but it's really really disappointing when you see them getting raped by the SJI boys. yes, they SJI people may not have the tactical knowledge and stuff, their throws arguably are not as good. but they had a desire to fight for the disc where our team didn't. they were willing to fight for all the stray discs. whereas our team seemed lazy and lacked desire. whether it was because daryl told them to take it easy or not, it was still a very embarrassing performance.

mentality wins games. couldn't agree more.

i do believe they are made of stronger material than that. but today's game was really morale-crushing. see no evil man. i shall take their future coach's advice and go wash my eyes.

hm i find myself subconsciously planning trainings for next year eh. sounds mighty like harry potter and his DA lessons!

on a happier note, zelia'll be back in 24 hours! :D

summer league!

2011-07-10T21:44:00.000+08:00

tag reply.
frosticfire: coz it's super super frustrating :(

today's summer league experience is way too cool. not just because we've extended our winning streak to 5 games now! :D out of 6 games! :D

first game was against TP. it was a viking game man. both sides were up at times. but the lead swings over very quickly. exciting much! in the end, when it was about 3 mins left, we were actually trailing 7-5! but NEVER GIVE UP we did. :D i think it's really really important to chase down stray discs. you really have to want it. and i think i'm improving on that aspect. cutting down on laziness nowadays. coz that's what makes the difference in tight games like this. we got the crucial Ds. and we made it back up. it became a game to 8 points after we cut the deficit down to 1 point. in the end, i think either team could have won it. but i'm glad we were the team who did. my winning score! 8-7 to us! :D omg i was so euphoric after that. it really reminded me of our last inter-jc point which i layout-scored hehehe. where the whole team came swarming in to cheer. except this time round, the euphoria came from hard D and determination and winning the universal point rather than the layout score that time :P SHIOK! i'm really enjoying the time playing with this team :D

second game was against SIM. i think they really underestimated us big time. from the way some of their friends were talking. along the line of "huh?! how come you all are losing?" muahahahaha too bad. we're having an inspired day. :D there was this bout of SUPER REALLY INSANELY STRONG wind. which also caused a bout of sandstorm about 500m away near some construction site. that lasted for like 15 mins? and i think we really made use of it very well :D woohoo first time i came up with a tactic that was devastatingly useful. (if i say so myself hehehehe not humble at all :P) plus the insanely nice 3-men show that lasted for 4 points after the wind subsided. a series of marcus D --> yuzheng assist --> daryl score went on for 3 points. and the 4th point was a reverse where daryl assisted yuzheng. LOL thanksgiving. that streak really gave us quite a big lead. which i guess we won rather comfortably in the end! 11-8! i think it shocked some of their players hurh. we're finally beginning to step up one level huh.

we're playing free wheelies and NYP red next week. (yes i finally know how to check the fixtures -.-) idk who's free wheelies. but against nyp red, i think we might end our winning streak. i'm not going down without a good fight though. all good things must come to an end. it's been fairy tale so far, but i hope when it finally ends, we won't be too affected. it's good that we're finally getting used to winning :D but defeat just means we have more to work on. and i'm glad we've improved so much from all those defeats last time. it's our time, eat disc. let's bask in it :D

two things to work on for myself. much more consistent throws, especially backhand. AND even harder D, especially the air fights.

shall gym on tuesday. train my jumping!!! COME ON GUYS! woohoo i'm still damn high :D

plus, four more days!

2. 30. 4.

2011-07-10T00:26:00.002+08:00

tag reply.
daryl: HELL NO DARYL.

two months last way too effing long for my liking.

sunset bar and grill level 30. i can't believe i actually took a bite. wah it was really agony man. i was already drenched in sweat after level 2. level 30's just pure insane. madness. your tongue just burns. like really set on fire. flaming. ice water helps for like five seconds. before it burns again. it's like the trick candle like that. everytime you think you extinguished it, it just comes back strong as before. agony for five minutes. i think i've outdone myself by just having a few bites out of the level 30 one.

four months up next. wtf la i really hate this. D:

just one more week!!!

2011-07-07T00:12:00.000+08:00

tag replies.
jiawei: wah lau stop talking about it already!!!
siu: i'm not going to post about it!!!!!!

i'm so NOT going to post about the whatever OMG thing. RAH. damn sad already okay. D:

on a side note, i've ordered underarmour leggings. dunno if it was a good choice. hai. kinda feel a bit uneasy about the decision now :/ argh. but i don't want to feel like i regret it! better be good man. hopefully i'll dare to fly around more!

in any case, i think i've gotten better on D already. but there's still so much room for improvement. well at least i saw some fruits of effort on sunday! something to be happy about i guess. on a sweeter note, eatdisc is on a 3-match winning streak! feels good for a change hurh! hope we can extend the streak :D

and it's finally the last week hurh. finally can count down 7 days liao!!! :D totally looking forward to the next week. one, my boss will be overseas the whole week woots. two, zelia'll be back on the thurs. :D three, i'm taking time-off on thurs and leave on friday. :D four, inter-jc on saturday!!! and five, summer on sunday. awesome la!

best thing is you'll finally be back :D woots!

DJ RAVI IN THE HOUSE!

2011-06-30T23:11:00.000+08:00

tag replies.
daryl: haha i know right. most of us were on the sidelines watching most of the time anyway. aye but a bit hard to improve things when usually not everyone goes. :/
siu: figure of speech what!! eh of course it's not too late la. still waiting for the day you join back eatdisc HAHA
linc: heh but i'm guilty of the neglecting as well. and i've raised it before.. we need the girls themselves to speak up what. i don't really know how they feel about it plus i'm not in their shoes so it's quite natural that i'll neglect it now and then as well :/
kanzy: HAHA NO WAY. make it troublesome so people will only come when they really want to read. don't want to just appear on friends page LOL. no offence to lj users! :P

i think it's really really cool to have a dream, AND be able to pursue it.

my camp friend, ravi, has just made it into the "so you wanna be a dj" finals. we've been supporting him since he got in like top 16? and now he's top 2. it's just cool. not only cool. you just somehow, feel happy for him. that someone out there is actually able to pursue their dreams, and do what they want to do, like to do. and have the guts to try and get there. and he's getting there now. really hope he wins it.

i haven't actually tried listening to him on radio, because he's on the tamil channel. not like i understand anything from there, don't even know whether i can recognise his voice over the radio LOL. maybe he'll convert to english channel one day and i can tune in and listen to him on radio! it'll be really cool man.

i'm actually quite envious of him. how many people in the world, have actually managed to live their dreams? do something they're passionate about? i think i can safely say less than 10%. or maybe even much less.

thinking about myself, what do i want to do next time? my only passion so far is just frisbee. i'm not even sure whether i'll have the time to continue playing when i'm working next time. sure, i'll try to. but whether it's even practical to do so would be another issue.

i think for most people, it'll be good enough as long as you don't live to regret. and i guess that shall be my more philosophical dream. :D

two weeks more and you'll be back! can't wait. :D

of things we can control

2011-06-26T20:49:00.001+08:00

i think we're way past the stage for more mollycoddling. if we screw up like big time shit, just face it. it's not the way to go if we play like some pathetic team and then still try and say we did well and it was alright that kind of words. if we're not disappointed with today's performance, then we're never going to improve.

today was pathetic. simply pathetic. disappointment is an understatement. as a team, as individuals, i didn't know what the heck everyone was doing.

there are times when you can console yourself and say, yes you've done your best. but i feel that there were so many more things we could have done better. like freaking god damn it NEVER giving up on a disc that hasn't touched the ground. like just bloody opening your mouth and TALK. communicate. like sidelines yelling UP for the 7 people defending. i'm rather sick of being the only one running up and down the sidelines yelling things for the players on the field.

frankly speaking, i think one major reason why we played so damn badly today was because of the gender ratio 4 guys 3 girls. our girls were being eaten up everywhere. i'm freaking sick of addressing this girls issue every single bloody time. i'm sick of the team realising that we need to involve our girls more during trainings only after a competition where our girls are virtually non-existent. i'm sick of giving fake encouragement when we don't deserve it. i'm sick of discovering the girls issue and then addressing it for one or two trainings then going back to square one again.

our opponents today weren't fantastic. but we'd obviously lose if we're playing 4v7. i honestly think we should be concentrating on training up our girls. extra hard. it just doesn't make sense for those of them who always come for training, then don't get to touch anything during training scrimmages, go competitions get owned, feel like they pulled down the team, and end off feeling sian by themselves. i'd be so bloody freaking sian if it were me.

there are some things we can't control. like silly fumbles, unlucky slip of the fingers, unexplainable turnovers. but of all the things we can control, that which can help the team, i don't understand why they're not being done. like NOT GIVING UP on discs. like helping out from the sidelines. we can make ourselves useful in so many ways.

okay now i feel slightly better after skyping zelia.

i know we're a team that's building in progress. and it's really hard to focus properly on a lot of things without settling down properly. we don't even know who's for sure going to be sticking with us and who's not. there's so much uncertainty in everything. but i believe the least we could do is at least make sure every player is of a certain level, especially the girls. it's not their fault that they're improving so slowly. we need to start letting them touch the discs more. and at the same time give them tougher marks during trainings. and i think the 3 guys vs 4 girls thingy is a really excellent way of achieving that. i really don't know why we stopped it.

we're all too selfish in our own pursuit of improvement and we've neglected the progress of the girls. and today just proved my point. we play decently when the ratio is 6:1. it gets a bit ugly at 5:2 but we still manage it somewhat. but at 4:3, we're totally screwed. the difference in the flow of our play is so glaring. theoretically, having 3 girls out of 7 players mean that 3/7 of the time, the possession of the disc should be with the girls. but i think in our case, it's more like 3/17 of the time.

argh okay. whatever. not like we'll have time to address this issue during the summer league period anyway. i hope come august, we'll finally be enlightened and start focusing on our girls.

20 more days!

2011-06-24T23:55:00.002+08:00

tag replies.
siu: LOL we're going to experience it on sunday AGAIN. and oh yes THANK YOU TO THE WATER GIRLS TESS AND YINGSIU! happy? HAHA!
daryl: yingsiu wants me to say that you're mean HAHA

hm 3 more weeks!!! still very long :( hurry hurry!!!

but hey, next week new guy coming in liao. yay! that means japheth is going to ORD soon. not that i want him to be gone, but that means one more guy is freed! and it'll also mean i'm the most senior PTI around already -.- not till august though. and that means more responsibilities and more arrows coming my way :/ congrats to the new SERGEANTS today! especially congrats to whoever's going to be posted as my junior. :D you've just gotten the slackest life you can possibly hope for in the remaining 14 months of your NS life, CONGRATS!

eatdisc training tmr! hope it's really as LIGHT as jack says it would be. don't want to tire out too much coz it's double header for summer league on sunday!! plus xinmei's so-called souvenir giving ceremony on tmr afternoon! wow haha must pack properly. lots of extra underwear and towels and clothes. guess i'll be out for most of the weekends again. my parents won't be too happy about that :/

alright. time to hit the wardrobe and start packing!

open series!

2011-06-19T22:55:00.000+08:00

tag reply.
frosticfire: HAHAHA can totally tell man!

had a crazy weekend. and very fast one too. :( so fast over liao. and it's monday again!

eatdisc training on sat was perhaps more exhausting than we thought it was. felt so cui today..

class outing was pretty good! i guess it's because thankfully the people who went were the people whom i can talk to pretty much. but i think i might have had too much to eat :/ probably contributed to my cui-ness today. great seeing them again though! it's rather annoying that out of the 6 guys who went, 2 of them don't have to serve NS. RAH. HAHA oh well. it's ending soon :D

woke up today with a stiff neck. and i knew it was going to be shit. felt totally not on form. and in damn bad condition to play frisbee. and to top it all off, a crazy 4-game competition. with aches and sores already in place before the start. could have had done sooooo much better for the first game against raffles had i been in normal form. my stiff neck really affected my jumping and leaping. my neck had this bad bad inertia to even turn a bit and look. argh. totally sucked. why is it that every comp i join, i'm never in my best form?! it happens most of the time wth. either i lacked sleep the few days before, or i just recovered from sickness, or whatever random shit will just happen and land me in a super bad condition. like stiff neck. wth seriously. ZZZ.

the game against raffles SUCKED. i absolutely HATE playing against teams that have pathetic spirit. and i'm very very disappointed to say that the current raffles batch is one of those teams. their seniors are such awesome players with fantastic spirit and everything. we totally love playing with or against them. but the current batch is just pathetic. ultimate is a game without referee. fouls and violations are not punished in the way they are in games like soccer, where players get awarded yellow or red cards. ultimate players won't get dismissed or anything like that. i understand that in those contact sports and very competitive games, players sometimes HAVE to foul on purpose to disrupt their opponent's plays. but they get their due punishment. on the other hand, the spirit of ultimate demands that players do NOT do that. because if you do that in ultimate, you're spoiling the game. it's supposed to be self-refereed because all the players trust their opponents to have the same spirit of the game as them. if your logic and reasoning behind your pathetic constant fouling-on-purpose is to disrupt our play and it's perfectly normal because that's what people do at high levels, i'm sorry but that's plain stupid and childish. and i advise you to play the game with referees because you're too immature to understand the spirit of the game and sportsmanship, and you need the referees to keep your hot-bloodedness in check.

imagine the game of soccer without referees, without punishments. everyone would be protecting their goal with handballs and everything. it's because they can't trust soccer players to be fair on their own, that's why they need referees, and things like penalties to punish the fouls. for goodness sake, it's pathetic to keep fouling just because there wont be punishments that'll cost your team any major disadvantage. if this kind of pathetic play carries on or spreads, i won't be surprised if they introduce referees or yellow/red cards. or like basketball, if you accumulate five technical(?) fouls you'll be dismissed. if that rule kicks in, half their line will be gone within the first half.

i wanted to tell them all these during the spirit circle. but i thought that it wouldn't do coz i'd surely get even more pissed with them. like come on, they're all 17 and 18-year-olds. and it's not like they don't have the brains to think. but if they carry on playing like this, they're going to look like primary school kids who need their teachers to keep their immaturity in check. sincerely hope they'll change for the better and restore the reputation of being nice and friendly that their seniors have established.

i'm not being a sore loser here coz we lost to raffles in the end. we might have lost even if they weren't playing like that. but it certainly did affect some of us, or should i say, most of us. and well, that's what they wanted, i'm sure. it's just a shame that they didn't show that they can still beat us without resorting to exploiting game rules.

-end of game 1 rant-

we beat smu and chuckies in games 2 and 3. great games! the spirit was really high. and chuckies were very good opponents to play with. extremely spirited and very honest as well. then we faced daryl's team patapon in our last game. lost 3-8. but they had a few players from shiok who just raped us apart. if they're good, they're just good. had a really FUN time chasing sweenee's shadow. just one point marking him and i had to sub out. he doesn't make any cuts that won't get the disc at all. spent the entire point chasing him like a dog. super jialat. zomg.

but i think we still played decently well against them. although i can still find tons of things i need to work on individually. like the morbid fear of challenging for the high discs. i actually thought and believed i had already kinda cleared it. but today, i could only stand and watch other ppl fight it out while i stand below and hope for the best. but the best never happened at all. i really really really need to go up there and fight for the sky. although i think today's lack of desire for the sky was partly due to my stiff neck. HOW TO EVEN LIFT UP MY NECK AND LOOK AT THE DISC SIA. ZZZ. much less look up, and raise one arm to catch it.

sucks sucks sucks. hope my stiff neck hurry up recover. i feel uneasy all over. plus my thighs and calves feel so tight it's going to cramp if i'm not careful. i should also start doing weights for jumping height as well. rah.

and more things to work on...... one by one i guess.

time to sleep! my PTI junior's coming in next week! WOOTS. one more pair of hands to do the work. :D although there isn't much work to be done LOL. GOODNIGHT WORLD!

packed weekend!

2011-06-17T23:42:00.002+08:00

tag reply.
frosticfire: omg HAHAHA retarded ttm!

eatdisc training tmr! (Y) hope we go into sunday's games with high morale after tomorrow's training. :D

then i have xiaolongbao buffet with my jc class. wasn't really keen to go initially. not like i'm very close to my class ppl. plus i really really shouldn't be eating a buffet the night before open circuits. hope i don't kill myself. maybe i'll be able to NOT get a buffet for myself and order something else instead. sounds like a plan. hope can go home early and rest enough for sunday as well. i want to play my best in this OC. i usually am hardly on my best form for comps. no idea why. :/ in any case, i hope the buffet will be enjoyable.. at least so far the ppl who're going are nice ppl whom i can at least talk comfortably to. i guess. but i really have no idea how it's going to be like. i foresee a lot of stupid redundant NS talks again. and because the guys will be talking about NS, the girls, IF there are girlS, will end up talking about uni life. and then it'll be the usual two factions again. really really hope it'll turn out otherwise. though idk what "otherwise" i can hope for.

i am kinda sad that my class wasn't able to bond well as how i naively thought we would during the j1 orientation period. all those games and bonding sessions etc etc seemed to be just for show again. frankly speaking, i'm damn extremely disturbed by those forced orientations and silly boy-girl games. we were all scarily childish during j1 hurh. and yet, even in uni, it still exists.

hm. i don't exactly know why i decided to go in the end. it wasn't really peer pressure even though the two of them kinda succeeded in persuading me to go. i think part of me kinda wanted to see them again. hm.

and then finally, sunday is open circuits.

one thing i don't like about having a packed weekend is, how fast monday seems to come again. :/

then again, it'll be another weekend over, and you're one weekend closer to returning. :)

team bonding

2011-06-13T23:19:00.000+08:00

i just deleted what i've been typing for the past 40 mins. i guess it wont help matters if any of them read it. i should just cling on to that last glimmer of hope and pray that they change for the better.

darn. what a super waste of time.

KOI

2011-06-10T23:11:00.000+08:00

and as promised, i've procrastinated a lot over my new blogskin. i haven't actually done anything additional since the day i said i'll start. so far all i've got, is one tiny part of it. haha CUI.

oh yes it's iphone time again! weekends! eatdisc time tomorrow :D

was watching x-men the movie on funshion just now. really awesome program introduced by lincoln omg. so far i've watched 4 full movies on funshion liao. pirates of the carribean 1-3 and x-men 1. funny how i watched POTC 4 before the first three. and how i watched all the other x-men movies and not the first. and spiderman 2 and 3 without 1. i'm just weird. HAHA. but it's okay, i watch harry potter in chronological order though! and my grand plan is, to perhaps watch all the HP movies on funshion before hitting the cinema for the grand finale HP7 part 2! well, if i can't find the time, i'll at least watch part 1 :P

my sis bought home koi just now. first time she buy koi for me HAHA :D i think it's been.. one month or longer since i last drank it? and it feels really weird, to drink koi without you!

alright. time to get packing for tmr and then sleep early.

and i saw 11:11 this morning again. hmmmm.

11:11

2011-06-09T23:11:00.001+08:00

i've been seeing 11:11 a lot lately. random time checks on my watch in camp also see. at home check whether it's time to sleep also see. hai. and it's still only halfway there! WTH!

anyway, my new biometric passport is ready for collection! but i've applied for it to be delivered to hougang singpost for convenience sake. i just don't have time to go down to ICA to get it. needs $10 though, to collect at post office. but $8 if i pay by POSB debit card. which means i should go make my debit card over the weekends coz my collection date is tuesday. and finally finally can book tickets lo! :D

listening to the problems of a certain distressed person on whatsapp really kinda makes me think that i've matured quite a lot over recent years. i think. i hope. hai. this world is rather complicated. worldly affairs are so complex. tsk tsk.

sometimes all we need to be happy in life, is to be contented. but again, it's easier said than done!

i've decided to post this link again. but rather than on facebook, i'm posting it on my own blog this time. self-reminder to be contented and lead a happy life that i want. :D jiayou everyone in their own pursuit of happiness!

top 5 deathbed regrets. sad truths.

on a separate, different, but related note, i think life's too short to be petty. but still, i guess i could have handled it better... much much better.

passport

2011-06-05T22:39:00.004+08:00

tag reply.
xmei: yupyup. and i wanna change my blogskin as well.

just spent more than one hour trying to apply online for a new passport. freaking irritating the process. but still, i guess it's better than going down to ICA personally. then again, i was so bloody annoyed with the entire thing. what with phototaking with help from my sis. all the stupid details required. the annoying online payment. and java requirement. and then my internet just had to DC at the last moment. causing me to spend another 20 mins trying to do everything again. so bloody pissed with the computer. really felt like smashing it.

i think all these horrible feelings is caused by a severe lack of sleep due to last night's midnight x-men movie plus balderdashing at jiawei's house afterwards. slept at nearly 6am and woke up at 10am+. i wanted to come home and sleep. but i ended up not doing it. in the end, i freaking watched pirates of the carribean 2 and 3. i must say i kinda like them. oh yes, x-men was freaking awesome. best x-men movie EVER. it's superb in action, plot, and everything! loved it to bits :D i'm a cui x-men fan coz i actually don't read the comics. but i still love everything about it coz it's way too cool.

okay i planned to sleep 2 hours ago. but thanks to passport application online, i'm going to die tmr. plus i'm on my monthly duty tmr. dunno how i'm going to survive. good luck to me.. at least i've finally settled the passport shit!

i think the moment i hit the pillow, i'll fall asleep. ten mins from now. i'll be in dreamland that i've been longing for......

O___O

2011-06-01T22:22:00.003+08:00

tag reply.
yingsiu: eh i where got so mean one haha. anyway, but it's not just you who feels loved in ED what :D

eh omg how now brown cow. i dunno how to reply!!! why everytime like that one... :( my mental plan everything so nice liao then suddenly like that. omg. :( i dunnoooooo. and i can't discuss with you coz you're still sleeping??

HOWWWWW. this is damn sian man. :/

i replied. and it's so damn sian now. all my highness and whatever awesome feelings for the past few days just disappeared. :((((( but i guess there's always next time..!

sleep

2011-05-29T23:44:00.002+08:00

i know the hcult pict looks totally out of place. but i don't really care for now. once my new skin is up, it'll be allocated a nice spot :D

and zomg. i totally hate the feeling of going to sleep without anything to look forward to tomorrow. really really really want you to be back here right now...

only one week?!

2011-05-29T21:52:00.000+08:00

tag reply.
siu: HAHA your tag looks like one of those random spam viruses! linked you btw :)

this past week felt like eternity. and seriously wth. it's only been one week?! still have 6 more weeks to go? WTH. sian ttm la. and then there's still the aug-dec one to come. omg seriously.

yesterday's ed training was pretty decent. screwed up PT a bit. because the timings i gave for everyone to reach were way too lenient. next week's intensity will be increased no doubt! drills were not bad too. what with the help of our new magnet board :D captained a team during scrimmage and won 9-4. i think i'm playing so much more consistent nowadays. now that i play nearly 3 times a week! finally managed ZERO turnovers during yesterday's scrimmage. and honestly, that's the first step to being a really really good player. because if you don't turnover, you score every point.

"if you don't make any mistakes, any team in the world would be glad to play against you." quote from clive from shiok, if that's how you spell his name. which is very true i feel. no stupid mistakes, 100% pass completion, you don't need exceptionally brilliant individuals to win games if the whole team can do that.

read yingsiu's blog last night. and i'm really proud of eatdisc! for the simple fact that the team can make anyone feel loved. for the team spirit. for the team members. i don on the jersey proudly and happily :D

choon just reminded me that there's beep test next week. so that means any improvement i have in mind for PT will be pushed back one week coz i don't think it's at all right to conduct PT along with beep test. everyone will just die LOL. this time, i want to be in my best form to tackle the beep test. i want to break level 10 at the very least!

and we'll be concentrating on hucking next week. probably means the turnover rate will be damn high. but i'm relishing the challenge. hopefully i don't screw up a single huck at all. even during drill! and to keep up my no turnovers during scrimmage!

with open series circuit and summer league coming, i feel so motivated!!!!!!

trying to change my blogskin now. want to make a cool one of my own. but i might be a bit lazy. anyway i like the current photo on top. it shall stay there until i complete my new blogskin. which will probably take ages coz i'm a lazy bum.

day 5

2011-05-24T22:09:00.002+08:00

what the bloody hell is this... a hurricane struck missouri in US. and the news said it was moving west... what the bloody hell. please be safe.

freaking hell la. of all times... wtsssssss.

day 1

2011-05-22T17:25:00.003+08:00

the whole day i've been feeling like there's something missing in my life. even though i've only woken up for 4.5 hours so far. probably it's because normally every sunday, i'd be in your company somewhere at this time. even if we weren't meeting up, you'd still be somewhere for me to sms. but now, you're 16 hours away. :/ and probably sleeping right now. i'm suddenly missing someone who i can talk to anytime about anything. and i feel oddly lonely. :( and there's still like what, 50 days to go?

guess i have to start getting used to this. but i mustn't get too used to it at the same time. rah. suddenly i can't wait for next year to arrive. not even because of ORD...

maybe i should start going out with more friends more often. but then it's not so easy to find people whom you can talk to as easily. or even half as easily. and i guess before jc, i was more used to doing things solo-ly. i don't know if that counts as anti-social. but i was definitely more used to doing things alone. now i find it so irksome.

totally hope summerleague can hurry up and start. if it's even still going to be held. that way i have something to eat up my sundays. but still, i have to plan something to do, or maybe go learn something during the august to december sundays. i suppose now i understand why eugene's found so many things to do during weekends. instead of wasting time doing nothing at home. i can't believe how i spent my time before i enlisted so wastingly now HAHA.

still have dunno how many hours before you get your internet access. but you're probably asleep now anyway. time difference really sucks. D:

i should start thinking of some things to learn. maybe cooking? or learn to finally play the guitar properly. but nearly everything needs money. lots of it.

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you

totally totally understand the lyrics now. please come back soon!!! D:

-

2011-05-22T00:35:00.001+08:00

tag reply.
tyjiunn: o.o does it really matter? i'm still going to gain my sleep back.

it's 12:35am here. but it's 9:35am YESTERDAY there. i think it's about time you landed. hope you're safe there!

it's been nearly 2 weeks since i've slept at least 8 hours. now the time has come for me to get my sleep! target is 10 hours! and hopefully tomorrow when i wake up, you'll be on skype. :D it'd be about 7:35pm there 10 hours later then!

2.5

2011-05-18T23:43:00.000+08:00

i need to catch up on my sleep debt. the question is when?

3.

2011-05-18T00:05:00.002+08:00

scrimmages with raffles and hcult today. i think i played my best in a really long time today. at least for the raffles match. tempers ran high, right from the very first point. is it good or bad that we're so intolerant of mistakes now? i suppose as of now, it's still acceptable. at least we're not letting it affect our team spirit. it's really good that we have so much higher expectations of ourselves now. but sometimes it can get quite scary that we're shouting among ourselves :(

i don't like shouting. nor being shouted at. nor watching my teammates being shouted at. and that's why i was so pissed at one point. don't shout at my teammates please, and for no good reason, i'll hate you. frisbee is a nice sport. it's a spirited sport. but it's people like that who are spoiling the game. they should be banned until they grow up and stop acting like a kid seriously.

waiting to see the stats uploaded. i want to know how many turnovers i caused. and how many Ds i made. i really hope i'm improving on D. i still think my D needs lots of improvement..

i better go sleep soon. my parents are in a bad mood now. dunno what they're pissed about. but they're acting like kids now, shouting for no apparent reason. hai seriously.

sometimes it'd be nice if the whole world talks like guo xing, peaceful and quiet.

3 days left now. :(

"don't count the days left, make the days left count."

easier said than done really :(

7.

2011-05-14T23:59:00.002+08:00

wah lau. one more week left liao. :(

had eat disc training today. went straight from camp. thought i'll play badly coz i had a really really bad night's sleep thanks to duty. i'm too paranoid la. wah lau. keep thinking i'll oversleep in the morning and screw up my duty. supposed to wake up at 7.20am. even set the alarm on my phone liao. and guess what. i woke up twice. once at 4.30am. once at 6.30am. the feeling is just so annoying. can't sleep in peace. plus the room's so freaking stuffy and hot, no doubt thanks to the weather these days. shall go catch up on some good sleep soon.

i think i played pretty well today! probably due to the good warm up today. other than some random warm up exercises, we had that 3 sets of targeted 100 forehand/backhand/forehand throws in 3 sets of 2 mins. HAHA i think it really helped! threw with marcus and didn't have any turnovers AT ALL. we only hit the targeted 100 for backhand throw though. total was about 270+ throws? without turnover. i think it's really good :D we should do it every training as warm up!

scrimmage was great today. on an individual level, i think my performance today was a far cry from last week's. in a good way. :D on the team level, i think we played really well today as well. less mistakes. more set plays. though there are still many many things to work on. but at least our rate of improvement has improved. i feel. :D

and omg i layout-ed for a disc HIGHER than stomach level today! didn't catch it though. got a touch, which is good enough at that point. lolol according to jack, it was at his chest level siol. i think i'm getting more guts. excellent excellent. this can only be good for my game. but then i'm losing my touch with layouts haha. out of so many layouts today, i only caught ONE. damn sian!

okaykay time to sleep! scrimmage with hcult on tuesday. can't wait!

10.

2011-05-11T23:11:00.001+08:00

tag reply.
daryl: haha the disc is at stomach level. not me. my legs still trailing on the ground i think.. but i tried!

ten more days. :( why so fast. :(

2-week cough

2011-05-08T23:59:00.000+08:00

tag reply.
jingyi: wah you really think we go date meh.. a lot of the time i'm watching her study!

sucks to be coughing so badly all week. damn sian. drink medicine, drink the woods cough potion, also cannot seem to expel the phlegm. my coughing sound obviously says i got freaking a lot of phlegm. but no matter how much i cough also can't get it out. zzz.

was supposed to go for soccer tmr morning with two of my camp friends. but i don't think i should prolong my illness anymore. better start recovering la zzz. then got hcult training also. i think i'll just pop by to watch.. i better be damn freaking paranoid so i can hurry up and get fully fit. it sucks not to be able to do anything properly. want to train also cannot. the body just feels weak.

speaking of frisbee, eat disc training yesterday just sucked. conducting beep test was still okay. hope it was accurate results.. kanzy and hongyou are so freaking imba. and i still haven't done a beep test when i'm fully fit and well yet. but i don't think i'll hit their level..

why training sucked was because of the insane attendance. we had so many people. nearly 40! when the facebook event stated 15 attending. resulting in a very disorganised training. i'm not criticising anyone for it. we are just too inexperienced at handling such a huge crowd and learning to change our training programme to fit such a huge group. the raffles people had a lot of comments with regards to our training plans. good and bad. good because their comments were generally good obviously. but bad because it caused a lot of stoppages to sort out questions and objections. it's tough to get the right balance. but we'll get there someday.

another sour thing that happened in training, puhwai fractured his collar bone. no operation needed. but he'll have to stay off frisbee for 6 weeks. must have been damn sian for the raffles guys... more so for puhwai.. :/

then finally scrimmage at the end. i played so freaking badly. three turnovers in three offense in one point. one was a poor throw. one was an attempted break-mark throw which i dunno whether it was because i tried to stop the throw halfway, dunno what the hell i was trying to do. and the last one, i can't remember, but it was shit as well.

play like shit on offense. but surprisingly i was decent on defense. maybe it's coz all my psycho-ing of myself has worked to be more aggressive on D? or it might just have been that i was working harder to fight back the disc i wasted so many times on O. was marking and being marked by kanzy most of the time. and glad to say i D-ed him twice in the air. :D although both had components of luck, big time luck. okay maybe not so much for the second one. but i think i improved on my D from how i'd perform usually. oh plus a leg D!

and somehow i think i'm more daring when i'm sick. maybe it's because i'm running at a slower speed, so it's less scary to layout. i actually attempted to layout for a disc at stomach level. if i caught that, it'd be my highest (literally) layout catch.

okay. even though i sucked, the plus point is that i improved on D which was what i wanted to work on. hope i can keep it up. layout Ds next?

miss ling!

2011-05-05T22:01:00.002+08:00

tag reply.
jingyi: thank you thank you :D

this week of work has been rather sian. and i'm glad i'm taking half day leave tmr :D

went ntu to find zelia yesterday to have dinner. HAHA :D

and on the way home, i missed a NE line train by seconds. but guess what! blessing in disguise! as the next train came in, i spotted my favourite teacher ever :P my pri 5-6 form teacher miss ling! woots! every year before i enlist, i would go back during teachers day to find her. until last year, when i couldn't anymore. but i'm glad she remembers me (and my name!) :D of course not because i'm notoriously naughty HAHAHA. i damn guai last time one. now still la. but less guai. :P

she was at outram coz she went hospital to check her head. o.o coz last thursday her head got whacked by those carpark gantry thingy when it was coming down. ouch. :/ apparently a few days after the incident, she started feeling some pain spreading through her head. but the scan showed no blood clot so i really hope she's fine.

anyway i was really glad that it was so easy to talk to her. haha the me last time probably would be too shy/timid/afraid to talk to her like a friend like that. but now it's like, so easy to talk to her! and she's damn funny omg. everytime see her she'll say the same thing. about how she remember our class seating arrangement. all the CIP stuff my class did. and she remembers us most vividly, because we are still the only class that she actually took for two full years. amazing eh?

it was a really short 20 mins trip from outram to hougang where she alighted. but it brought back so many memories of primary school time. and somehow it made me really really happy. reminiscing it all, like really pure and innocent and you just feel super joyful. honestly, she's the only teacher who's had such an impact on me. she's horrifyingly responsible, amazingly passionate as a teacher. it's teachers like her, who have the ability to change students' lives. she's THAT awesome! i just couldn't stop grinning after chatting with her. and on the way home after she alighted, all those memories just flooded in and it felt like only yesterday when my life was so easy, simple, childish. where we quarrel over neopets. where we compete who can finish xi2 zi4 fastest. where we'd not eat during recess to play ice and water. where we'd get punished for being all sweaty after recess (that happened during sec sch too actually HAHAHA). it's really nice to be a little child hurh. i must have been utterly utterly stupid to hope when i was a kid to grow up soon. oh well, both have their merits actually. and i still remember the few times my class made her cry too. and me, being the second shortest guy in class, sat all the way at the front, was so terrified because she was just crying right in front of me. hm but now, i don't think any other class would have made her cry though. i think she really liked our class. and we really loved her too!

and guess what. miss ling actually asked me to go back to PPS as relief teacher after i ORD. :/ i really don't deserve it la. on one hand, it's really really tempting to work just 5 mins from my house. i just jump down from my HDB and do a few forward rolls can reach liao HAHA. plus i get to chit chat with miss ling everyday LOLOL. she's really nice to talk to! but on the other hand, acknowledging that miss ling is such a fantastic teacher, i don't deserve to teach at all. i have no passion to teach although i like little kids. and that reason alone is why i should never go tutor or teach anyone. i mean, comparing miss ling to me, i really have no business trying to be a teacher, albeit just a relief teacher. it'd be an insult to the sacred occupation seriously. although i told her i'd consider, i will never allow myself to become a teacher. because i have very high expectations of a teacher, in terms of responsibilities and passion. which unfortunately, i have close to none, for teaching. :/ well maybe if she ask me go back teach pri sch kids to play frisbee, i will. HEHEHEHEHE :D

sometimes i feel a bit ashamed that she thinks so highly of me. in future, if i ever make it big somewhere, i'll definitely go find her and thank her. hopefully she'll still be teaching at PPS when that time comes, if it comes.

omg i really love my pri sch life to bits. the teacher, the friends, the school, the life. sec sch? i'm afraid i only liked my sec 2 class, and my stjohn squadmates, that's all. i have no feelings for the teachers at all, sadly. jc? well, it's definitely frisbee. :D

half day leave tomorrow to spend with zelia. :D yet another long weekend woohoo!!! i think saturday will be really exciting, coz of elections. and eat disc training. looks to me like an enjoyable weekend ahead!

teengames!

2011-05-02T21:21:00.000+08:00

tag reply.
tyjiunn: LOL i'm as good as a civilian already la.

teengames part 2 today. we reached the semis of the competition. meaning we're top 4 out of the 41 teams there. but then, we lost 2-3 to eventual champions in the semis. i was really really extremely disappointed that we lost. i mean, yes, okay, i do agree that they were better than us in some ways. but we've never been able to pull off a stunner, to beat a "better" team when it counts. and the fact that i'm really disappointed means i had really high hopes for our team, despite the fact that it was some sort of a zapalang team. i suppose it's more good than bad that i was so disappointed. it means that i'm no longer accepting that "it's okay to lose" mentality. i want to win things with eat disc, although it wasn't a totally eat disc team.

well obviously we played really well. i have to admit that i'm quite amazed at how well we played. despite being zapalang and all. our girls were fantastic. guoxing and jiamin scoring lots of points for us. and i really think shermaine would have been a really awesome handler had she not quit hcult. i've been impressed by how she handles the disc everytime i watch her play, although it wasn't many times. she scored plenty too! it's really a waste that we don't involve the girls more in our play (that being directed at both hcult and eatdisc). but i think our team today did involve the girls A LOT and i'm really happy to say that they've shown that they're up to it. TRUST is obviously a very important thing in that. when you have the girls running/cutting free, without trust, you'll never put it to them. and again and again all our guys have never shown enough trust in the girls.

trust is one thing. the girls need to have more confidence as well. they need to learn how to SHOUT at the guys. if the guys are wrong, we have to accept it. but to have confidence in yourself, you need people to have confidence in you as well. that is one major reason why our girls are not getting involved as much as they should have been, like how we played today. it's a VERY VERY vicious cycle that i'm desperate to change for the next batch of hcult.

we keep complaining that we don't have enough girls. but when you look at the number of girls who first join frisbee, they are not that much less than the guys. but the attrition rate is so much higher for the girls. why? BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY IF I JOINED FRISBEE, I WANT TO TOUCH THE DAMN FRISBEE. not running around in circles for the entire training and nobody wants to get me involved. i truly believe we can change this. and it's about time for some REVOLUTION. cheers man i sound like i'm running for elections.

but honestly, the reason we got into the semis was because, finally, we've managed to involve the girls. we played a 5-player game with 5 players. and the reason we lost the semis was also slightly because we didn't manage to involve the girls. the girls on the other team were so obviously more experienced, more well-trained, more confident, an obvious result from involvement in the training ground.

and THAT, is the reflection i made from teengames today. well okay i've thought about this plenty plenty of times, but it's never hit me so hard until today.

but all that being said, i really enjoyed playing with my team today. :D credits to the girls as mentioned. and the guys. i thought yiding played really well today. very stark contrast to last week. no silly/needless fumbles today. :D kanzy as usual clocked in tons of crucial Ds, mostly those SKYHIGH ones. sweet! lincoln as usual played excellently, but the important step-up from usual is his new and improved SHORT AND SWEET TEAM PREP TALK! HAHA! i thought it was smack on the spot and really concise, plus a lil motivating as well. but that may also be because we didn't have many mistakes for him to comment on :P and we have ME! haha me being me ran around everywhere coughing at everyone so that they'll stay away from me and let me get the disc. :D but hai i'm still working on being more effective on D. because at the moment i'm always too slow to react to chances to layout D, too short and ill-positioned to get sky-Ds. i'm only decently good on D when i'm marking the person with the disc. IDENTIFY ONE AREA FOR YOURSELF TO WORK ON DURING EVERY TRAINING. i've identified mine, but it's not that easy to work on this one. :/

okay this is turning out to be a really long post, but let me just spend a bit more to proclaim my love for eat disc.

i touch my heart and say, I FELT REALLY REALLY PROUD PLAYING IN THE EAT DISC JERSEY. to know that i was part of the start of the club and all. if i'm ever good enough for clubs like shiok or freakshow or even (let me exaggerate a bit) seattle sockeye or buzz bullets to come recruiting me, i won't leave eat disc. OMG I LOVE EAT DISC!!!! <3 <3!

teengames FRISBEE!

2011-04-24T23:09:00.000+08:00

tag replies.
daryl: haha when you finally come back we'll have to integrate you in as well :P :P
tyjiunn: lol confirm got one day you got no choice one! better try early than wait until damn long then totally forget!
zelia: eh what la!!! you're weirder anyday!!!!! :P

played my first teengames yesterday! it was a really really short competition. although there's a part 2 on 2nd may which is a monday. but part 1 was just 4 12 mins matches. so total only played for 48 mins. and the field was so tiny that i think i didnt even run 1km in that 48 mins of game. we won all 4 matches. which is like, WOW. never experienced a 4 straight win in any frisbee comp before LOL. okay la, the level of competition is pretty low. but it's all in good fun. next week's matches will be much tougher! hopefully my team can win the competition :D

been using iphone for the past 3 days. HAHA! thoroughly enjoyed my renewed use of a proper phone :P also resulted in a few late nights sleep coz of playing the apps and trying to sync it to my comp etc etc. but then the long weekend has come and gone. back to good ol' army phone again. omg it's gonna feel so weird. i think from now on, every weekend i'm going to change phone liao. Civilian Conversion Course on course! :D

this day last year, i was dreading enlisting like mad. i still remember how surreal it felt. that it's finally imminent. tons of things i didn't know. tons of things that i DIDN'T look forward to at all. but now one year passed, i'm living a normal life again. able to do the things i like, see the people i love, enjoying life once more. i don't know where the hell i inherited such good fortune. but fortune favours those who know how to use it. even though i'm not making meaningful use of my time, but at least i'm not really wasting it away thoroughly.

one month to your flight. really dreading it. really hope i'll be able to join you for the last 10 days too... must catch my boss tmr and ask him if i can go...

track training

2011-04-14T22:04:00.004+08:00

tag reply.
xmei: nahh there's no such person yet. hopefully never too lol. just thinking lor.. from past experiences :/

i was supposed to do my own track training today, following the eat disc training program. but guess what. brought change of clothes and everything to camp. in the end, CAT 1. damn sian. nvm. i'll try to find time tomorrow morning to do it in camp again. if still cannot then zz no choice do on sunday lor T_T imagine doing speed training at punggol park. so weird.

today is the 14th. meaning it's 5 more days to the removal of my triangle. but then, i felt like damn cui when i drove to fetch my sis just now. parallel parking. everything i learnt about it give back to teacher liao. -.- i just went crazy and did it anyhow the first try, with the end result being the car butt sticking out into the main traffic. it was a two-lane curved road outside hougang mall there. cui to the max. so many cars behind wondering what's the hold-up. then they see this triangle cui driver, driving this bigger than usual car, doing some funny parallel parking. omg. totally felt like abandoning the car and just run away. so diu lian omg!

hai okay la. the one excuse i can comfort myself with is that i was doing parallel parking on a CURVED road. it makes all the angles and everything so much more complex. feeble excuse though. at least i went in out in out in, total 3 times only. i thought i'd never get it right there. freaking stress :/ man, imagine 5 days down the road (pun intended), no more triangle liao, then do that kind of parallel parking. jialat, confirm kena horn one LOL.

at least i got one saving grace la. if there's anything to be proud of my driving skills, it's my perpendicular parking. always one-hit-KO one. usually. LOL. even my dad says it's good! but the weirdest thing about my perpendicular parking is, i always need one car beside the lot that i'm parking into. as in, if there's a series of three free parking lots together, i'll never park in the middle one. weird right. i'm damn good at judging when there are cars around, but i can't judge based on the floor markings. my father says usually people will take the middle lot where there are no cars beside. i suppose normal rules don't apply to me. i'm a weird driver. :/

got time off camp tmr! end work at 3pm, that means. 2 hours earlier is still better than nothing. :D got mini craving for milo mcflurry or koi now. ahhh.

and please don't rain tomorrow. i want to fulfil my duties as an obedient and diligent eat disc member!

eat disc!

2011-04-09T22:57:00.002+08:00

tag reply.
tyjiunn: yeah omg damn cool. haha i never knew got L and C and so on. damn imba.

hoho had eat disc training today again. supposed to be a 3-way friendly with raffles and cj alumni. but it ended up as a random hat, then eat disc vs the rest scrimmage. fun nonetheless. though it got rather frustrating with a lot of screw ups here and there. i screwed up damn a lot in the random hat match.. all super bad throws. and some lazy throwing which resulted in one leg D from zhefei. hai. dunno why i was so lethargic. but somehow during the second match i played much better. i seemed less lethargic. although theoretically speaking i should be have been even more tired.. weird, i am. o.o

i think that most of us have really improved a lot. and we're playing so much better together. other than some really really bad mistakes which cost us vital points. one misread. many lack of communications. and some unnecessary fumbles. but i think these past few months our gameplay has really gotten better by a lot.

we are improving, and we are expanding. but for some reason, i'm not exactly very happy that we are trying to recruit more people. it's rather hard to explain.. like we started out being like all hwachong. it's not that i'm discriminating or anything like that. i'm just worried that in the midst of trying to recruit more people, we might end up screwing up the team's bonding. like we might get someone who's annoyingly arrogant or something. i know expanding is the way to go, and we have to do it if we want to be a real club. but i guess i'm still not very comfortable with that idea. :/ aiya i can't really explain it properly...

aye i'm really tired now. shall go sleep soon. i'm pretty annoyed that liverpool's match is the only one that falls on monday night. zzz.

nvm, i'm looking forward to tmr. it'll be a nice day :)

frisbeeeeeeeeee :D :D

2011-04-05T22:52:00.003+08:00

tag reply.
tyjiunn: oh HAHA i didn't know got so many more letters! omg damn cool. anyway i just searched. 68 is LXVIII not CXVIII. C is 100!

omg i'm damn high now. just from thinking that there's hcult training tmr to attend. but i'll probably reach damn late thanks to IPPT cat test. argh. hope it doesn't drag too much la. i wanna playyyy.

IPPT tmr got all the old people taking. as old as 53 years old. i hope nothing happens to all these old people. :/

okay enough randomness. sleep!

weekend round-up!

2011-04-03T16:09:00.002+08:00

tag replies.
tyjiunn: aiya i dunno la. some of your batch ppl say can some say cannot. whatever lol it's you adults' problems!
xmei: i dunno lol. cbox sucks lor? anyway i got less than jiawei HAHA coz i at least clear them.
jingyi: -.- not niao ah. at least i got something to look forward to at the end of these 40+ weeks!

this weekend promised to be promising. and then it didn't seem so promising. and then it did again. and then it didn't again. and right now, i dunno what to think of it. i think disappointing is the right word.

missed training to play badminton with my current camp friends. feel really bad about it :( but then, my current camp friends are really nice people. hai. but that being said, i suppose if i'm in the team, then i shouldn't miss training coz of this kind of reason. :/ rah. i shouldn't join them again if it clashes with eat disc again. but i dunno how to tell them..

eat disc AGM was hilarious to the max. a seemingly simple mistake of me saying ROMAN numerals at the back of our jersey, resulted in a wave of enthusiasm at the idea. i kinda like the idea though. :P (imagine XIV on my jersey! and maybe XXXXXXVIII on someone who chooses 68. damn cool!) and daniel introducing himself like a telemarketer to mei yi over the phone. *inserts random highness when jack smsed to say west ham was leading man u 2-0* daryl and his east-west region, dunno where is that. *inserts jiawei's highness when man u fought back to win 2-4* and our really screwed up voting system where more often than not, we had to revote and revote and revote.

but in the end, we still sorted out what needed sorting out. and whee! jersey for eat disc is settled! and i'm taking number 14 again :D

went to lim chu kang early this morning to sao mu. first time i didn't sleep on the car during the long distance ride after all these years of going. because this time, if i slept, the car will crash LOL. and i swear to myself that, next time my kids can drive, i will trust them and not keep commenting and criticising. because it's DAMN FREAKING ANNOYING and it's just going to make things worse coz you can't please everyone.

whatever it is, in 16 days' time, i can remove my triangle! rejoice at the removal of the stigma-filled display item. because finally, other drivers won't find trouble with me anymore. thank you very much.

and again, i'm looking forward to the next weekend already. i hope with all sincerity that it'll be better than this one. because it's 4pm and i haven't had my lunch.

weekend ends.

2011-03-27T22:56:00.003+08:00

tag replies.
xmei: haha it's quite funny what. the stupid lyrics LOL
tyjiunn: oh is it?? eh i dunno leh. i thought my friend say he can vote liao o.o
e-hui: i dunno either!

and there goes the weekends. i was already looking forward to the next weekend on friday. :/

but i won't be going eat disc training next week. meeting my camp friends for badminton. i'm sad. my camp friends are damn nice people. and it's not that i don't want to play badminton or hang out with them, it's just that, i really really really want to go for eat disc training. :(

for a few months now, i've been playing pretty badly, screwing up throws and cuts and a lot of other things. but now i feel myself gradually improving already. i just need to stop falling sick and hurry up get rid of my blocked nose then i can go run during free time. i want to get back my fitness. i want to play well again. no, i want to play better than before. with everyone else improving so drastically, i now feel like i'm wasting my time being stuck at the not-improving-stage.

since i can't make it on saturday, i guess i shall go for hcult training on both wednesday and friday. good to start knowing more j1s in any case.

it's awesome that i have things to look forward to during weekends. helps to break the focus on the ever-so-far ORD into 47 weeks. 47 weeks left. 47 more eat disc trainings to ORD. the way i say it makes it seem so short huh!

2011-03-27T00:32:00.000+08:00

ZZZ i stay up so late for what.

new boots!

2011-03-24T23:11:00.000+08:00

tag replies.
xmei: xin.msn.com!!! only got broadcasted episodes though.
e-hui: yeah it's at NYP if i'm not wrong!

just finished watching secrets for sale again. the new plot twist is.. unexpected. and interesting. :D can't wait for next episode!

meanwhile, naruto manga is on hold. RAH. but anime just came out. i guess i'll save it to watch tmr.

training tmr is cancelled. guess it was pointless rushing today to buy new boots haha. my latest pair spoilt on wednesday's training. :( threw it at a random farrer park field rubbish bin. i think it's the pair that survived longest! hope this new one can outlast it. boring black colour again. but hai, the ones i liked more all so ex. like 70++ and 90++.. even the white one that looks pretty tempting is nearly 60. but white one not fun to wash. so it's back to black again. found a balance of cheap and decent looking at $51.35... oh well it's the skills that matters :D and omg my feet has been growing bigger since i enlisted. this pair that i bought only had size 9 left so i got the sales guy to let me try. and amazingly my feet fit inside nicely. from 7.5 to 9 in one year is quite scary. it's weird to be undergoing feet puberty at 19 years old. o.o

speaking of age, my lifeguard friend in camp just turned 21 yesterday. it's amazing that i have friends who can vote in the upcoming GE already. i'm still as apathetic as ever. okay la maybe slight improvement... but nothing to be happy about.

and the weekends are finally here! frisbee training after a two weeks hiatus. we we we so excited. we so excited.

time to sleep. but oh there's so many beds in my room i dunno which one to choose.

secrets for sale. again.

2011-03-22T23:11:00.000+08:00

tag reply.
e-hui: ohhh. going again this week?

i can't stand it. it's such a brilliant show. i can really understand all their internal struggles and all that stuff. other than the idea behind the story being so freaking awesome, the grasp of all the characters' feelings is simply amazing. i feel so sad and yet so touched after watching every episode.

plus the soundtracks. they just fit in perfectly. it fits in so seamlessly with the plot. anthony neely's songs huh. never heard of that guy before. but i think i'm going to start listening to them soon.

one of the best mediacorp shows ever, seriously.

secrets for sale

2011-03-21T23:30:00.002+08:00

tag replies.
jingyi: haha you should stop emoing about biz law too!
tyjiunn: it's the air force kind of duty. <3
e-hui: LOL you went down ah.
xmei: YES YES omg you can come back and watch the most exciting inter-jc ever!

i think i'm damn affected by the secrets for sale show. really really love the storyline. the idea behind the show is fascinating. about how you should never look at things by its surface. there's always a possibility that there's another meaning behind whatever you're looking at. amazing story.

and their love stories are really saddening. :/

只想说几句话都这么难...

duty......

2011-03-18T20:14:00.000+08:00

tag replies.
e-hui: yep!
tyjiunn: the puking? yes it was. :/

i've been through a hell of a emotional roller coaster ride these two weeks. it's been insane. but it's over now. and what i can say now is..

THE WORLD SEEMS ABSOLUTELY PERFECT NOW. :D

i'm so glad that it all went well. now to make sure all these shit doesn't happen again!

duty tmr. sucks to be in camp on a weekend with about 10 other people only? but it's okay. i'll get one full day off for that.

and because of duty, i can't go for frisbee training tmr. zz i'm so excited to discuss about the 7th inter-jc because EAT DISC IS FREAKING ORGANISING IT. :D

but then just as well la. i'm sick now. and i dunno where i caught the darn flu virus from. i guess i have to revise my plan to swim in camp tmr. sighs.

looking forward to teengames, organising inter-jc, and better communication from now on. jiayou!

humiliation

2011-03-15T23:11:00.000+08:00

tag replies.
frosticfire: going to be 20 liao leh. still boy???
xmei: you're still in australia -.-

today i suffered a great humiliation.

the 10X1km relay race. somehow i got sabo-ed into taking the first runner role by teammates i only met today. 4 teams. and my team comprises of 3 groups of ppl from different schools/sub-units. not to mention that i'm 1 group by myself.

it's freaking stressful when almost everyone there knows you're the PTI of the camp, and you're participating in the race. and that you're the first runner for your team. it doesn't help that you passed on the baton third. and most humiliating of all, it doesn't help that you puked like a merlion after completing the 1km. and when i thought i had finished puking, there came a second bout of puking. each lasting about one full minute. my miserable breakfast of two pieces of bread should have been all puked out after the first bout. i dunno what else i was puking out in the second bout. it felt really terrible.. although nowhere near how i felt after i passed my CPFT.

in full view of all the participants, many of them still my trainees, i puked and looked a bloody mess. i think i lost all respect and face, if there was any to begin with. i have no idea how they're going to think about me. the pti who puked after running 1km. i don't think i'll really go and think about what they think of me...

but the fact is, things were not as good as before. time has passed. things have changed. i wasn't as fit as a few months back. things weren't as rosy as it used to be. and if i want to change the status quo, and return things to how they were, i have to do something about it, definitely.

i believe that if my heart and soul is in it, it will happen. if i'm willing to work hard to achieve it, it will pay off. in theory, it sounds perfect. but i'm well aware that it won't be easy.

i can only hope you believe in it as well..

tomorrow.

2011-03-12T23:11:00.001+08:00

tag reply.
frosticfire: LOL we still boys meh!

i spent the whole week waiting for tmr. but now that it's nearing tmr, i dunno what to think of it...

hope all goes well.

wait.

2011-03-10T22:35:00.002+08:00

tag replies.
daryl: :D
xmei: okays i shall ignore you!

waiting sucks.

today is payday. i dunno how much money i have now. but i waited 5 weeks for this payday. hmm. for all that i've said about saving my money this month and spending less than $100 this month, i'm actually seriously hoping that i have a reason to spend.

hai. i rather be poor and happy.

open series circuit

2011-03-08T22:16:00.002+08:00

tag replies.
cynthia: a bit la. at least she doesn't point middle finger and spam vulgarities!
jingyi: wow big achievement -.- i thought you went coz you wanted to flick!
e-hui: sure can tell which one is her one.
xmei: haha what did you expect man. the violet or whoever never teach you properly ah.

eat disc got our highest ranking in any competition so far. 8th out of 14 teams. everyone in the team improved by leaps and bounds. everyone, except me. it was heartening to see everyone's efforts for all the past trainings pay off. but at the same time, it was disheartening to see myself disappoint time and time again.

i'm not really sure why i played so badly in the competition. maybe the lack of playing in the past few months caused me to be unsure of what to do at times. i realise i ended up making really bad cuts at times. bad decisions at times. and worst of all, throws that were so bad i swear i was better when i was j1. and it might also be because of the bad timing of it all. because of things that were weighing me down.

hai. this must be the longest week i've had in a long time. i'm not sure myself whether i want the weekend to come fast or not. i'm not sure of a lot of things. i'm not sure whether i want to be sure.

uncertainty. sucks.

2011-03-04T23:59:00.000+08:00

last night i went to sleep feeling so happy.

tonight i'm going to sleep feeling like a pile of shit.

tmr night i'll probably go to sleep feeling too tired to feel anything.

A levels!!

2011-03-03T21:52:00.003+08:00

tag reply.
e-hui: HAHA i saw her. at first sight like, doesn't resemble leh. but it's because she doesn't wear specs ba. i think she looks more like dayan.

wow tmr is the day my juniors are getting their A levels results. freaking fast sia. hopefully they do better than me lol. that's easy enough i suppose?

it's interesting how the way you think changes after enlisting. like at hc, the grades i got probably pulled down the school average. but most of my NS friends would have happily given $5k to get my grades. i guess being in that sort of environment really makes us myopic and insensitive. we don't know how to be contented. i don't want to see ppl's reactions tmr. because i'll probably really dislike whoever gets better results than me and still thinks it's not good enough.

we need to learn to put ourselves into other ppl's shoes. then i guess most of us will be contented with what we have. and there we have joy. :D only then can we live life happily ever after!

shall go sleep early coz tmr must wake earlier. i better not do anything vigorous tmr (like playing basketball/swimming today) and conserve all my energy for saturday and sunday. must eat lots lots of rice. spam carbo. must do well for the competition!! but even if we don't, we must be contented isn't it?

HAHA easier said than done! on a side note, it's the weekend again :D

frisbee time!

2011-03-01T21:59:00.002+08:00

tag replies.
e-hui: YES LOL she's joining hcult!
cynthia: character too?!?! you mean she likes to gym and spouts vulgarities too?
jingyi: farrer park fields. don't pangseh hor!

yay i'm going to crash hcult training tmr!! just to see dayong's sis :D okay la. also to warm up for open series comp this weekend. flicking time!! :D

i must say.. during my BSLC and PTI course, that span of 21 weeks or so, i had so little contact with frisbee that i actually thought it was slipping out of my life already. the feeling was like, it's something leisure, something extra. and i felt that it was tiring, mentally draining, to pull myself out of bed every sat morning to go for eat disc training. i felt bad. that my passion for something i had so enjoyed was slowly slipping away.

but now, it has returned! perhaps it's the different army life i now lead. freeing up time and energy to pursue my own interests. without feeling that the weekends are my precious healing/resting time. or perhaps it's because the team now has a direction. i guess it's quite apparent that we have moved much further now. we're pulling in new ppl. we're daring to dream. we're improving. and maybe, just maybe, after this open series, we might get noticed. :) it feels good to be part of it.

haha it'll be interesting to see, one year later, how much bigger we've grown. with (hopefully) influx of the j3s joining us, and perhaps recruiting more people to join us. it's rather amazing to realise how active i'm in this. coz i would never have thought that, the cca i would join in my jc time, would extend beyond my jc life. and i'm loving every second of it.

I WANNA PLAY FRISBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

you have to want it.

2011-02-26T20:39:00.002+08:00

the same theory may apply to different fields.

if it's about playing frisbee, if you really really want it, you'll definitely fly for it. i played fairly cui-ly today. got skyed a lot a lot. and got a few times i could have layout-ed for the disc but i didn't. i guess i just suddenly don't have the balls to fly here and there for the disc anymore. hopefully come next week, OPEN SERIES week, i'll forget the lack of guts and allow my desire for the disc to consume me. LOL.

and here comes the real reason why i'm posting in the first place.

it's really really tough to maintain a relationship when the two people's lives are pretty different now. and with that i'm talking about NS life and uni life. there are so many many many thousand and one factors that you can't even find the time to meet frequently. :( talk about busy... but hai. it's pretty mindf*** actually. like even though i've got one of the free-est NS life possible, it's still so darn hard to meet up. and even though i somehow managed to get a rare spot of 8-5.30 posting, it wouldn't really have mattered if i had gotten the majority 2-10pm posting instead. well of course, my life's much better la. but there's always the icing on the cake that people look forward to...

i know sometimes it sucks. sucks so bad. but to keep it going, it's a matter of choice, really. like the article joni-boy showed me before, love is a choice. i find it surprisingly true and accurate. there are so many people out there who are better, nicer, maybe more compatible. but in the end, it's your choice that matters. and if you don't choose to stick with it, why go into it in the first place? well unless it's really obviously screwed up. but otherwise, a bit (or a lot) of hardship and patience should be worthwhile.

and in the end, it's a bit like playing frisbee again. you start off enjoying it, because it's leisure and fun. then comes the training which you find irritating and you don't like it coz it's tiring. but in the end, it all pays off!

HAHAHA what a retarded analogy.

and by the way, i think our j2s have improved a lot a lot generally. :D from what i've heard and seen. to think there'd come a stage where i don't know a few j2s here and there. i think i'm getting old and i need to go hcult training more often. wednesday is the day to see dayong's little sis HAHAHAHAHAHA

one more year!!!

2011-02-26T01:07:00.003+08:00

whee it's one more year to ORD. like in 52 weeks time, i'd be enjoying life as a free man again. no more "i'd better watch my step coz i'm in camp" feeling again. :D :D

i'm damn tired now. went for a damn ex buffet dinner to celebrate my senior's ORD and in the end he didn't turn up. -.-" wth seriously.. but oh well. we had great fun anyway.

there's friendly match with rj tmr. i must remember to bring the cones.

thank god i'm not going for soccer tmr evening coz the only friend i have there isn't going so i'm not going!

time to rest........

2 months!

2011-02-22T23:27:00.000+08:00

tag reply.
tyjiunn: WTS that's looooooooooong overdue!

yesterday marked two months at my not-so-new-anymore new camp. new job, new life, new friends.

before i enlisted, i imagined my ns life to be... book in sunday night, book out friday night. sometimes can't even book out. every day wear green uniform. chiong sua here chiong sua there. sign extra every other month. getting screwed by upper authorities. march or run or leopard crawl for the following one year ten months. in other words, a long arduous torture path.

well it was certainly that way. for about.. 5 months plus. then it changed. minimal marching. maximal running. pti course was insanely physical. but still, life changed for the better. i felt less like a soldier. more like a civilian training for some imba physical limit challenge. much like a triathlon. swimming? with a 4kg dummy rifle. tick. running? with 15kg++ of weight on. tick. cycling? nope. well unless you count "cruising" through the SOC obstacles with that same 15kg++ as cycling? even so, i felt like i was undergoing the ultimate Civilian Conversion Course already.

and after 13 weeks of maximal maximal PT sessions. it dawned on me that, the next 14 months of my NS life was more or less settled. decided. set. on repetitive mode.

every single horrible thing i thought would define NS life has long gone. i book in and out every day. i wear a singlet and shorts to work every day. i stroll from place to place. i don't sign extra every other month, but there's duty for me every month. and yes i still get screwed by upper authorities. HEY! that's just like normal civilian working life!

haha i guess i'm totally used to it already. i think i'd suffer a mental breakdown if you suddenly told me i have to go outfield tmr and dig shellscrape. i'd probably shudder at the thought of touching a live round again. i'd think you were joking if you told me i have to march!

5 months converted me into a rather well-trained soldier. 2 months turned me back to square one. i've made some pretty wonderful friends in this new place. as good life as me now. some even better life than me LOL! i'm really really glad my new friends are such awesome people. to be honest, i thought i'd never meet NS friends who'd be nicer than my BMT section mates. but i think i found them here.

the work at my new camp is pretty much all paperwork. conducting training is really chicken feet compared to those paperwork. and some occasional queer odd jobs you never thought a PTI would need to do. basically i do all sorts of odd job. i climb up the ladder and fix the forever-dropping basketball net. i fill in paperwork when the water cooler pipe is leaking. i may have to paint the soccer field lines in the near future coz my upperstudy did it before he left. there is something different every day. something you have to fix but you never even knew it was there. somebody you have to make a call to that you never knew was in charge of this these that and those.

just like today, i experienced my BUSIEST DAY in my two months here. it was the first time i had proper work to do for 6 whole hours! after two months of trying to take as long as possible to complete the one single job to do for that day, i didn't drag ass and still managed to be busy for so long. today is just amazing HAHAHA.

i suppose there's much more new stuff to learn and more new saikang to come. but a busy day like today is rare. i probably have to wait another two months before such a day comes again.

actually i'm learning a lot about my future working life at my current workplace. it's a really cruel world. AND my boss still thinks i'm a stupid slow guy. "am i going too fast for you?" he asked today. super insulting really.. and half the time he was talking i was thinking pls hurry up and talk finish. and he thinks i need him to slow down. zzz! i don't think he's a bad person or anything. but i think it's damn scary to see the things people do to keep their rice bowls. i suppose i'm not at the age or the situation to see the desperation of it all, yet. but when i imagine myself next time, maybe having a wife to feed, a family to feed, kids to feed, i'm scared to think that i'll have to sacrifice others in order to keep myself alive, to keep everyone i love alive. and what if one day, it's either me or someone i care about. what will i do? it's freaking crazy, this world.

surely there's a better system out there? i can't think of any.

so for now, i suppose i'll try to learn as much as i can in my current workplace. learn all the diplomatic ways to talk to people. diplomatic answering emails. diplomatic everything. so that i'll know i'm supposed to say my boss is doing training when he's swimming. as much as the truth is the truth, there's a different, more diplomatic way of telling it.

exhausted!

2011-02-19T23:40:00.002+08:00

okay i'm really really exhausted. my legs are totally cui now. i even wished i had a bathtub so i didn't need to stand while bathing just now. both thighs on the verge of cramping. after one whole day of ultimate + soccer. tiring sia!!!

eat disc training was not very enjoyable today to be honest. what with the punishment at the start + low attendance + playing scrimmage for the sake of playing. the mood was pretty down i guess. don't like!!! hopefully next week will be better!

soccer was.. pretty fun. i played damn lazily. walking around half the time. too tired to drag my ass back to defend. too tired to run after the ball. but hey. it was an interesting experience. the so-called premier pitch was really awesome to play on. although it left bits of black colour stuffies in my shoes and socks, much like the acsi astro turf, it was a really nice place to play soccer. but then... $160 for 1.5 hours?? WTH! split by 17 people or so. paid $9. actually i agreed to go play without knowing i had to pay. luckily i had enough money... scored two pretty decent goals too. :D i guess being a lazy striker is better than being a lazy defender.

okay time to sleep! i am very very very tireddddddddddddd.

power-packed

2011-02-18T22:39:00.002+08:00

i feel really stupid all of a sudden.

i'm feeling pretty tired now, no doubt thanks to duty on wednesday. but there's eat disc training tmr morning. AND soccer at turf city in the evening. how i regret agreeing to go for soccer. bleh. i only know one person there, and he's the one who asked me to go. and i actually agreed. all these because i know that if i were to stay at home, i would probably be playing soccer on the comp anyway -.-

stupid stupid stupid stupid. and i need to get my haircut done. i guess my hair is currently at its longest state since before i enlisted. two higher-ups talked to me about it liao oops. but really, it's not THAT long. it's just AIRY, that's all. so it looks long and messy. haiiii.

okay it's time to sleep if i don't want to die of exhaustion tmr. :/

angpaos!

2011-02-17T22:55:00.001+08:00

tag replies.
jingyi: LOL it's secret because the people whom it should be kept secret to dunno my blog exists?
cynthia: HAHA neither did i!

finally opened my angpaos today coz it's the 15th day of CNY. first time i so guai never open the angpaos at all. i'm actually damn amazed at the total amount because i've never gotten so much in the past CNYs. but i guess it's because this year got 4 years of visiting to spare so we visited more people. but i suppose that means that my parents probably spent the same amount of money in my angpaos times 3 (for my two siblings) on other people as well. which is like.. WOW. if angpao money transactions were recorded into the GDP, i think our GDP will be a lot higher. zz stupid econs. it came back earlier into my life than i thought it would because my sis is taking H2 econs and of all people, she wants me to teach her. -.- stupid choice. i sincerely hope that i don't teach her the wrong things omg. :/

and in all honesty, while i can reflect that i should be more understanding and not just hope for what i expect from others to happen, i really find it tough. extremely tough. sleeping is the best medicine.

but even though i took two hours of afternoon nap at home because i was forced to take my duty half day off, it's still on my mind. it's time to go take my medicine and when i wake up, liverpool would have won 0-3. goodnight!

today is total defence day eve.

2011-02-14T22:35:00.002+08:00

tag replies.
jingyi: HAHAHA the damn zai gpa one got logic what! but it doesn't mean that others can't do it as well!
yiding: LOL yiding that's pretty serious. maybe you can learn from me and say your primary school instead :D
e-hui: LOL it really IS damn tough lor. i should have remembered the way i was taught to do it. it's really much easier.
tyjiunn: congrats man. i've done that countless times liao :P

today is total defence day eve, not valentine's! haha i heard the history of valentine's on FM93.3 this morning. and i thought it's pretty random and weird. like why the date was chosen and stuff. and apparently a poll got the result that, 50% of males aged 18-39 would choose valentine's to break up. O.O frankly speaking i think that's really really really idiotic. it's almost like they're trying to double the damage. make it super effective. silly really.

so, valentine's isn't really valentine's if you just go to work and go home. my valentine's was yesterday HEHEHE. :D

anyway, today is really total defence day eve. and it's because of that that tmr morning there's total defence day talk in the auditorium :( at 9am. propaganda much. initially i thought i could book in at 10am since i was on the late shift but compulsory propaganda states otherwise. then when i thought i had to book in at 9am for that talk, i remembered that i'm the duty specialist on wednesday and hence i have to go meet my CCWO tmr at 8am because i can't meet him on wednesday morning 8am due to ippt. long story really. but to sum it up, it means i have to book in 2 hours earlier than i thought i could. and THAT means i should sleep 2 hours earlier tonight. and when i thought that i have to stay until 7pm to lock the gym coz it was my shift, lo and behold i remembered i could change shift with someone else! tadah i guess i'm still not used to how things work in my new camp. but i simply love the flexibility! :D so tmr it's 8-5.30 again.

i'm aching for frisbee. really really want to play. i've abstained from it for way too long. it's time to reignite the passion for frisbee :D but i can't go for training on wednesday coz duty is 24 hours. maybe i'll go on friday!

oh yes and there's the secret dinner tmr. almost forgot to tell my mum not to cook. dear me, lots of things to settle hurh. but for some odd reason, i feel kinda high now. i guess it's time to put that feeling aside and go to sleep!

happy total defence day eve!

roller coaster night

2011-02-06T01:24:00.002+08:00

tag replies.
tyjiunn: you can slowly level up!
kyish: haha then you must hate quite a lot of people!
daryl: it's quite sad really. hai.

i wanted to go and sleep. but i realised i don't feel like sleeping yet. not in the right mood to sleep. i feel wrecked all over. too emotionally charged to attempt to sleep.

newcastle catching up 4 goals to draw 4-4 with arsenal after arsenal led 4-0 at the 26th minute could be part of the reason.

went house visiting today despite original plans which were not to go bai nian on the 3rd day of CNY. i suppose my parents don't really care about that particular superstition/belief. this time, i met this lady, who's some sort of an assistant at NUS. she asked me about uni stuff. she found out that i accepted NTU over NUS for the same course. and she kept questioning me why. i didn't tell her.

so.. obviously she thinks NUS is better. and most people think so too. i can only say, i have zero idea which is better. i didn't really bother about which was better. i hear people compare them all the time. i don't even know whether half the things they say are true. i just followed my heart. i just chose the school my heart told me i wanted to go to. for reasons which are totally unrelated to academics.

i follow my heart most of the time. especially for those really big decisions in life. why is everyone so determined that i shouldn't do that? what's wrong with pursuing a life based purely on instincts and desire? what's wrong with wanting a happy life? why is it that i shouldn't do this and that because something else is better? who determines that it's better?

what is it that we live for? don't we all want to be happy? why do some people choose to do things that make them unhappy?

how will i be happy? what am i looking for? actually i already know. but why? why is it that i'm happy if those things i desire happen? why is it that some things that may cause me to be happy may cause someone else to be unhappy? why why why???

i need answers to life, to happiness, to everything. and i freaking hate myself for being to annoyingly emo in recent times. because being emo means not being happy.

CNY

2011-02-05T01:17:00.000+08:00

tag reply.
e-hui: LOL i did parallel parking thrice during these two days already. it's not THAT hard.

i absolutely lost my respect for torres now. to think he's part of my current blogskin. not that i can see the picture now, the image seems to have disappeared. nvm i'll change it soon i hope. when you first arrived at liverpool, you said you wouldn't play for any other english club. you said liverpool was the only club you'd leave atletico madrid for. you promised lots of things. you signed a new contract last year. you said all sorts of nice things about liverpool and bluffed us into believing you were going to be with us forever. honey words. you're just like a balloon. looks nice outside. but there's nothing inside. and then you leave for chelsea, and you say you've moved to a really big club. honestly.. the filthy hypocrite. sincerely hope you'll become a flop. no thanks for all your goals. i think we've all learnt a lesson. we will now love all the players who want to stay here. players who want to repay the club which groomed them into better players. people like reina, carra, and even lucas leiva. it's such a huge betrayal really, fernando traitorres. maybe some years later, you'll realise that liverpool is the BIGGEST club you could find, i'm not sure we'll want you back then.

as one liverpool fan said, LFC can find another torres, but torres, you can't find another LFC.

ranting's over. on to CNY.

didn't shou sui for very long. i think i slept at about 1am which is like the earliest in recent years. all because i thought i was going to wake up at 4am to watch liverpool play stoke. which yet again, i failed to. first day of CNY was spent mainly visiting ONE family. -.- we just hopped around their 3 houses all night. pretty zzz.. spent most of the time travelling and finding the right place, and watching chi bi on their tv -.- sucks to be the driver and not know where to go.. and sucks to be the driver when your mum keeps throwing instructions like i dunno how to drive. how is 80km/h fast when the speed limit is 90km/h. and she thinks i'm oblivious to every single pedestrian crossing the zebra crossing. seriously it's really quite sian to drive like that. and the worst part is when she tried to get my dad to swap with me when i had to reverse out of a really long and narrow road coz one side of the road was totally blocked by parked cars and i had to give way to many cars coming into my direction. i really freaking hate this lack of trust. don't even get me started on the cycling to camp thing. argh.

reached home yesterday night at about 10.30pm after house-hopping. my sisters thought they were irritatingly proud and show-offs. but objectively-speaking, i guess it's normal family behaviour that you'd want to show your relatives to your houses as we've never been there before. i suppose it doesn't help that they're freaking rich and one is a 3-storey and one is a freaking awesome condo. the fact that we, meaning my sisters and i, don't know them that well probably caused the feeling of show-off and stuff.. but still, i didn't really like the way how my rather-distant-cousin said her whole family had been in hwachong. i don't blame her for saying that. but i simply don't like it. i dunno how to explain, but it's very annoying to tell people that you're from hc. worse still, your whole family.

for some weird reason, i really really don't like it when people ask me which school i'm from. i don't like to tell people i'm from hc. i'm not proud to be from there. i'm happy with all that have happened ever since i went hc, but there's something about telling ppl i'm from hc that irks me. it's this reaction that people get when they hear you're from hc. it's like, they'll be careful around you, cannot say the wrong things, you're too smart to understand their position blah blah blah. i like my friends from hc, i found a good life, i found many many things i wanted in hc. but outside of hc, i find that it's very hard to shake off stereotypes that people have of you. when you answer people that you're from hc, some of them will just stare at you and look as though you shouldn't have said that. but hey they're the ones who asked. and a lot of people have really weird stereotypes. some think you're damn freaking smart and so you won't want to talk to them. some think you're a freaking imba guy and start fawning over you. some think you're just a lame mugger nerd who'll just die trying to survive in the real world. some think you're the absolute elite who can do anything. and some think you're a stuck up piece of shit.

i think i've done too many stupid things trying to shake off all these stereotypes that i felt people tried to associate with me. like telling people i was from punggol primary school when they ask for my school. acting like an idiot as unlike a stereotypical hc guy as possible. talked about stuff that's so lame and retarded until it's become part of my nature. okay maybe it always had been LOL. trying not to speak up sometimes unless absolutely necessary. trying to do what everyone else does so i don't stand out. but sometimes it doesn't really work.

today, or actually the day before 12am just passed an hour ago, was spent mostly on going to temples. went to 3 temples and 1 in-house one to pray. all the smoke from all the joss sticks.. the one unpleasant but necessary thing you have to do every CNY. finally completed the temple-hopping at loyang. then went to my godfather's house. their old dog was lost and they got a new one. this new one damn small damn cute and damn fun to play with. it scared my sisters and mum stiff while i kept playing fetch with it. it licked me legs a few times. and it kinda chewed my fingers a couple of times when i teased it with a bone-like thingy. but it's so harmless and adorable. it's so simple and carefree. unlike humans. one good thing about dogs. you treat them well, they'll treat you well too. they're not hypocritical like certain football stars. if they wag their tails, it means they truly welcome you. they won't take a chunk out of your leg when you have your back turned on them. they won't abandon you when you're doing poorly. as long as you love it, it'll stay by your side forever. unlike complicated hypocritical humans. i guess we have a lot to learn from dogs.

i also dunno why i'm reflecting so much from all these random CNY stuff. but i guess i've been through enough as a human to know that humans ought to put their intelligence to better use. i think i've changed quite a lot these few years. for the better or worse, i dunno. but i can say i only wanted to change for the better. i believe i'm not as selfish anymore, i'm more contented with life, i'm better able to avoid conflict. but i think i still need to learn to trust. and learn to stop cooping everything inside me just to avoid conflict. there's a way to live life more happily, and i need to find it.

and that shall be my new year resolution. and i think, it should be everyone's.

xinmei's farewell

2011-01-31T14:51:00.002+08:00

had our farewell dinner for xinmei yesterday and it was really enjoyable. despite the stupid rainnn.

dinner was steamboat. but i never really liked steamboat coz i always felt that i would never eat my worth of the money paid LOL. combined three tables for a really huge group in that tiny eating place with xinmei the main lead isolated in one corner -.- had a fair bit of nice chitchat and then suddenly lily and jingyi broke the news to me that all engineering students in ntu had to take econs. -faints- seriously wth?!?!? two years of jc econs + a bit more cramped into 13 weeks? and i'm expected to pass? honestly i think it's too much for me omg. how to say, it's like asking me to become 70kg in 13 weeks. not impossible, but i'd have to heck care all other things and just concentrate on one. zzzzzz!

okay nvm let's forget that for now. zelia and i got xinmei hebe's new album. inspired by xinmei's livejournal post and my recent liking for hebe's songs thanks to FM93.3. HAHAHA turned out to be an awesome present woots!

so after the steamboat they had koi while i made a disappearance so that i won't be tempted to buy koi twice on the same day. my self promise to save money for the past month hasn't really worked. but with the imminent angpao money, i can save up moreeeeee! then again, i'm super tempted to get an itouch thanks to hebe for reigniting my desire to listen to nice songs. arghhhhh.

thereafter the few of us who could stay on late went to timbre. my first time at a club/pub/similar if you don't count brewerkz? timbre wasn't what i imagined it to be haha. guess it was pretty okay. nice songs, nice chitchat. bad weather. rah. anyway had a fair bit of gossip. i think one good thing about gossiping is that you hear of other people's extraordinary stories so one day when you yourself happen to be in the same shoe, you might be better prepared for it. but that being said, i don't think i'll ever be approached on a bus by a stranger. :D shall not say too much HAHAHAHAHAHA

oh oh and the green hornet is really nice :D :D super hilarious omg. jaychou is damn cool omg. it's been a long time since i finally felt so chill and relaxed and able to really laugh out loud. :D so glad i rediscovered that feeling!

working the late shift tmr. 10am-7pm :/ but wednesday half day and it's another long weekend! :D really really hope that the past two days of crazy raining means that CNY will be nice and dry. don't really fancy going to bai nian and going to temples under thunderstorms everywhere. but the best thing about going bai nian this year, is that I'LL GET TO DRIVE. A LOT. :D :D

horrid.

2011-01-23T23:13:00.002+08:00

tag replies.
e-hui: o.o can't remember already..
tyjiunn: a mixture of everything not very pleasant.

this has been a month to forget. sometimes i really wish i had some harry-potter-ish abilities and i could just Obliviate! and then alter my memories as i like to. but what's life without some trials and tribulations and living is but surviving them and solving all your problems.

i suppose as a human living life as it is now, you would think that it would be extremely nice to be happy-go-lucky and do things without giving a damn about any other thing, if that was possible, maybe people would chase that kind of a life? but no. even as i try to achieve that kind of chill state, try to lead a life of ridiculously ordinary-ness, many factors will not allow you to continue. they like to think that hey you're too relaxed, give you some work to do. make some trouble for you. stir some shit for you. in the current world, it's wrong to want to lead a happy life on your own with whoever you choose. people will say, come on that's impossible. we have to look at other people's faces. we must do what people think we should. we cannot just live in the world we ourselves want it to be. in other words, we must succumb to peer pressure. the law of the world. everyone does it, so we must.

growing up is tough. you realise all the unpleasant things in the world that you never knew. when you were a kid, you thought that growing up meant freedom, meant that you could do what you wanted. it all seemed like that way in a kid's perspective. but we never knew when we were young, that all the things that adults seemed to do on their own accord were by societal pressure.

ignorance, really is bliss.

-

2011-01-15T00:35:00.001+08:00

momentary laughter/joy cannot bring me infinite happiness.

i'm at a loss now.

horrrrrrrrrrrible day

2011-01-13T23:28:00.000+08:00

tag reply.
e-hui: guess we still can't expect too much from mediacorp.

woke up early thinking that i was going to work today at 10am and that there'd be nothing to do today. how wrong i was. as i stepped out of the house at 9am and just boarded my bus, i got a call from my lifeguard friend that a certain group was to start their pilot survival swimming test at 9am. i then alighted from the bus and tried to flag down a taxi to chiong to camp. and with all the wonderful taxi drivers daoing me across the road, and on my side of the road, the taxis were all hired, i crossed the road to flag instead. got a taxi after like 7-8 mins of frantic flagging. spent $7.30 to get to camp thanks to peak hour charges.

honestly, the test could have been conducted without me. -.- but yeah i know it's my job. it's a case of miscommunication. so i guess no one's really at fault. either that or everyone's at fault. so when i reached, the test finally could get started. zzz. my first few weeks at my new camp hasn't really been all that smooth-sailing huh. so many cock-ups everytime. and then all that scary politics. every other high ranking guy shooting email arrows here there everywhere. like they have nothing better to do. complain this complain that. lame stuff like what time we INFORM them of gym closure. informing 10 mins too early also must shoot. then ppl come use our facilities still want complain the facilities no good. then some people just like to give others a hard time. possibly because they can't stand seeing others having an easier life. must comment this comment that. everything must follow their style. every other day change one freaking rule. ever since i joined, the gym's opening hours haven't stayed constant for more than a week. the swimming pool too. like hello, hasn't the gym been set up for many years already? what's with all these changes and argument all about? all of a sudden there's so many issues popping up???

if people are merely being payed to debate over gym opening hours, slippers-wearing, and other freaking lame stuff, why not just retrench them and give the money to those who really need it. like honestly, i think those really poor people would do a really good job of sitting at their computers and sending out lots of complaint emails while earning thousands per month.

lame shit to the max.

and tmr is the REAL last chance for those who haven't passed CPFT to pass.. really really hope they'll all make it through. if anyone deserves to be a PTI, it's really all those who've hung in till now, still trying to fight for a place. please, let the weather be perfect tmr. let the swing trainer and low rope be bone-dry. let the low wall sink even lower. and let everyone's muscles be boosted by rockets. hope all five of them will make it. good luck...

700th post

2011-01-12T22:53:00.002+08:00

tag reply.
e-hui: the ending sucked though...

i had hoped that my 700th post would be happy and nice and probably meaningful if i could manage it. but i don't think it'll turn out that way.

had a 4-day-long weekend yet again. probably the 3rd last one i'll get for the next few months. then work for these 3 days. and another 4-day-long weekend, thanks to planning of day offs. and then my final 4-day-long weekend will be the CNY period. after that, i'll start leading a normal NSF life of 5-day work weeks.

the past 4 days of intended rest, turned out to be quite a hectic 4 days. i only managed to sleep in late on 1 of the 4 days. and even though i went to bed relatively early last night, i felt so tired this morning, i even let my dad drive the car.

i find that, all the time and efforts i spend, turn out to be quite meaningless at the end of it all. army's really turning my life into a try-and-spend-time-meaningfully kind of life, but failing to do so feels really terrible. and the whole point of taking day offs, giving myself a long weekend, is to enjoy the entire process. not only have i not enjoyed it, i feel even worse than before.

i had wished i could take a break from all that scary politics from where i'm working. but i find myself being thrown into another spectrum of issues. my mum laments the fact that i do not spend my day offs helping her do some spring cleaning for CNY. maybe i should, this weekend.

i don't know why i'm so easily worked up recently. but most probably it's because, i'm starting to stop deceiving myself. stopped thinking that hey it's okay. hey that's fine. hey chill everything's rosy and under control. screw all that.

i watched the zhong guo da ren xiu yesterday night on channel u. and i thought to myself, there are tons of other ppl suffering, in much worse states than me. what right do i have in being unhappy? i've got nearly everything i want. whereas some people nave nearly nothing they need. why am i not being content with life as i used to be? am i demanding more? or is it simply because my expectations of certain things were too high to begin with?

the 23-year-old girl, zhu jie, who looks no older than a 12-year-old pri 6 kid said she believes she'll be happy in life. i used to too. maybe i need to start believing again.

people shouldn't need a reason to believe they'll be happy. they just have to.

new year, new start

2011-01-03T23:47:00.002+08:00

tag reply.
Nadia: i know it's an automated message. but still, how true.. shall leave it there HAHA

yay it's a new year, and off to a new start! today was... fruitful, shall we say?

supposed to be off day tmr. but due to unforeseen circumstances, i have to go back. oh well! probably put my off on another day ba.

have to wake up early tmr coz i'm going to work with my sis who's going to school. zzz. make me wake up 40 mins earlier. thanks to me not being allowed on bicycle. sucks to the max. suck what to the max. suck thumb la. hai.

breakout

2011-01-02T23:33:00.002+08:00

tag reply.
e-hui: i know.. not that knowing it helps how i feel about it though...

had a full morning of playing frisbee. it feels really excellent sprinting through the wind like that. felt like all your troubles and negative emotions get swept away with the wind. even though it's only momentarily.

drowned myself with 9 whole episodes of breakout on miotv since i came home. information overload. but i think it's a pretty brilliant show from mediacorp. how rare.

two days of break just flew past like that. still got two more days though. i have no idea how the next two days will turn out. half of me wants to get it over quickly, the other half is, perhaps, scared to find out how it'll be.

i used to think, when i was young, how lame those tv shows were. how story plots like that could ever happen. why they were all the same. why those lame characters acted like they did. now i think i'm beginning to understand some of them. i guess it's not so lame afterall. when you've been through some things, perhaps you understand why those scripts were written that way. perhaps you've even been through it.

growing up. is a complicated matter.

expectations

2011-01-02T01:01:00.002+08:00

tag reply.
e-hui: but for the bulk of my planned route, it's on the cyclists path. like serangoon park connector that stretch. plus pavements are the safest what. so i dunno what they're worrying about zzzzzzz.

perhaps sometimes, when you decrease your expectations a bit, you get unexpected surprises?

like when i've finally gotten used to liverpool turning into loserpool and losing every single match i've watched recently, and they trailed tonight's match 0-1, and i thought they were going to lose yet again, THEY ACTUALLY FOUGHT BACK AND WON 2-1. HOLY COW! unbelievable. new year, new win, new start. maybe liverpool's luck is turning afterall? the comeback kings strike back. more of it please!

frisbee tmr. i shall catch some sleep now!

half day again!

2010-12-30T23:21:00.000+08:00

tag reply.
youknowwho: :/ easier said than done lor. but when it gets damn ridiculous, it's not so easy to ignore anymore. and just leave your name la! so secretive for what!

jogged 4.5km today. after many weeks of slacking and inactivity. did it in about 23 minutes! but actually i ran the first 3km in 13 minutes, then took my time for the last 1.5km for recovery. felt really good with the awesome weather and cooling breeze, though my thighs are aching. seems like i need more exercise.

tmr is half day again! another 4 days break ahead for me! it rocks to plan your leaves and offs continuously from weekends. but what am i going to do in the 4 days? i dunno. hate not knowing. but whatever. can't be bothered to plan anything since half the time the plans aren't followed anyway. actually, all the time.

conducted SOC trial test for my friends again. and out of 38 of them, probably about 30 clocked an SOC timing faster than mine during my PTI course. they're freaking insane la. i think half of them are fit enough to be PTIs anytime. my senior say their training is freaking xiong. respect man. they're all really motivated and all put in their best, even in the trial test, just to clock a better timing. there was this guy who ran in, foaming in the mouth. siao one. but he was okay o.o somehow. and they were all so enthusiastic about the trial test, congratulating each other on their personal best timings and whatnots. i can't imagine the actual test. it's just, nice, to have trainees like them to take. all so motivated and eager to improve and do their best. and only one of the 38 failed the trial test, and he seemed super upset. kept asking me to check his time, hoping that i calculated wrongly. felt so bad :/ but nvm, bet he'll pass next week.

and now, i shall go to bed. was thinking of going out tmr to search for my sorcerer's stone. but nvm. i'll see how things go tmr. since plans never work out anyway. but still, i need to plan how to spend my time in camp tmr...

i am very irritable

2010-12-29T22:38:00.002+08:00

i've been horrendously irritable for the past week. and i think i know why.

i don't understand them at times. if they're bent on not letting me cycle to camp, why keep bringing that topic up?!? it's like they just want to keep saying to rile me up and irritate me like that. or they just plain want me to argue with them so they can prove their point that i'm too angsty to cycle safely or whatever. ZZZ. like hello, i already stopped mentioning it. and i'm damn pissed that you all think i'm too young/rash/hot-blooded/naive/stupid to cycle safely to camp, so stop trying to rile me up by bringing the topic up again!!! DARN.

this is the reason why i looked/am looking forward to staying in hostel during uni. i can't stand staying at home when all they like to do is to pick topics to argue about. it's almost like they have nothing better to do, they just want to disturb the peace.

and for the past two weeks of my stay-out life, i haven't even slept properly. i haven't even woken up because my body felt like it had enough sleep. i have either been woken up by my own alarm (that which i have no complaints about), or raised voices for ridiculous reasons/arguments. and they're really ridiculous in fact. all those shouting about new/old/hand-me-down bags, food and whatever stupid stuff you can think of.

ARGHHHHHHH. if i could just silencio! them whenever they quarrel.

jigsaw of the pitch dark night

2010-12-26T23:59:00.003+08:00

tag reply.
e-hui: GOT SAFE PLACE ONE LOR. just that my parents don't trust me to find it. and what darth vader? o.o

a long time ago, i posted that helplessness and regret are the two most sucky feelings. may i add one more, uncertainty. it is the unknown that we fear, as dumbledore rightly puts it.

i hope today is just another one-off one-of-those-days day...

i wish i could see the future or something. i don't want to continue groping in the dark anymore.

new life so far

2010-12-23T22:00:00.000+08:00

first and foremost, they told me my posting WRONGLY. i was NOT posted to paya lebar air base. but rather, the air force training command a bit north of PLAB. what a fiasco. and apparently, the previous PTIs who got posted there were also always told wrongly. as a result, i was late on my first day, not that it mattered i guess. coz i called up my then-unknown colleague to ask for directions. epic scary first day.

i was introduced to tons of new people whom i am supposed to spend the next 14 months working with. and guess what, one of them is GUO DAN! my sec 1-2 classmate :D omg plain awesome HAHA! best thing is, the whole camp is full of people i know. like minghan and shaun my primary school friends, subeer my BMT platoon mate, joseph tay from hwachong, maurice my BMT frisbee teammate, weiwen my BMT section mate, and many other hwachong people. HAHA i kinda feel at home in that camp already.

yesterday was my 2nd day. and such a fiasco it was. taking IPPT for my first time ever. and minghan, subeer, maurice and joseph were taking the IPPT. i was in charge of recording the number tags of people at the 2.4km end point in running order so that their timings may be correctly allocated to the right person. and guess what. at the 9 mins 25 seconds to 9 mins 35 seconds interval, there was such a huge wave of people chionging in at almost the same time that i couldn't keep up with them. totally lost my head and my mind just went blank. as a result, i didn't record a grand total of nine people's number tags. epic lose. i was then told to carry on and sort out those people's timings later. what a scare it was man. the first real job for me, totally flunked it.

but then, when it was done, i was told that it's normal for that to happen. because 9:44 was the timing to get a gold, the period before 9:44 will always have a huge wave of people running in. be it due to them all trying to keep up with each other's pace, or all chionging in right before 9:44. and nobody warned me that might happen lol. i thought i was damn screwed la. but luckily it was sorted out quite simply!

then today, my senior PTI was on leave, leaving me as the only PTI around. though there wasn't any training today, there was plenty of admin stuff for me to settle. and i hope i didn't leave out anything. :/ but then, i still can't believe a PTI can spend one whole working day, running around trying to get chops and signatures, printing and laminating notices to tell people to clear their belongings from the lockers. other than the RUNNING around, it was pretty much unrelated to what a job scope of the PTI sounds like.

my mundane life.. and it gets so boring and dull that i find it SUPER tough to stop myself from falling asleep. i have to purposely walk around and find things to do. purposely do things slowly and drag the time, so i have less time to stone and do nothing.

at least tmr, i'm going to nee soon camp to conduct SOC!!! for minghan and co. again. :D hopefully it will be the first successful PT-related thing i'll do. i guess i'll go sleep soon. my boss thinks i lack sleep coz i always look so sleepy. that, is partly true. :P

PAYA LEBAR AIRBASE :D :D :D

2010-12-20T22:07:00.002+08:00

alright that's it! i'm posted to the most fantastic paya lebar airbase!! it's the nearest posting i can ever get to my house :D woots! on the map, a direct line from my house to the airbase would be about less than 5km. cycling there would probably be about 5km. and cycling there would take about 20 mins? or less?

but HA! i can't believe it. this is the beginning of my 8am-5pm life already. or so i think.. it's not confirmed yet but it probably is. i'll find out tmr! :D but then again, i now have to get used to being independent, and working on my own. i have nearly no one to depend on. everything is done by myself now. i can't afford to screw up, can't afford to not know my stuff, can't afford to gibber some rubbish and hope to get away with it. i'm all on my own now! good luck si jie!

and i proposed cycling to camp everyday to my mum. and of course, she doesn't like it. and of course all that stuff about it being dangerous and whatnot. "LOTS OF CARS ON THE ROAD!!!!!!!" wth seriously. i've lost count the number of times i've told them that i don't cycle on the road. not like i'd dare to either, knowing that there are drivers like me on the road. i cycle on the PAVEMENT. zzzzzzz. nvm. i'll make her see sense sooner or later. come on la seriously, if i can drive on the road, then i can cycle on the pavements right. ridiculous! but first thing i would have to do would be to invest in a bicycle. $__$

-------

on a different note, sometimes people do things that don't really make sense and have almost no point at all. and somehow, they know it, and they still do it.

TGCP 3 + 3SG

2010-12-19T17:43:00.000+08:00

tag reply.
jingyi: nah it was an egg. :D

and finally.. after 8 months of tough life in army, i've made it through and got my 3SG rank!!! :D BMT, BSLC, BFSC. now that the worst is gone, all that's remaining is to be a good PTI, impart my knowledge, and help people who wants to be helped. and of course, to stay out of trouble as always.

looking back, it's really lucky the way my army life panned out. my BMT company was fun and not so tough, but not so slack either. and we really left a huge history there. which other BMT company has emerged so victorious in games day before? sweeping nearly every category there is and achieving a proud 700 out of 800 points! and that, was the last ever batch of ZULU company. memorable it was, and my BMT friends are still my favourite army people i've met.

BSLC was really slack. can't imagine how different life would be, if i had got into OCS. Golf company was one of the two lucky companies to get laptops for self-directed learning. and that meant a lot more ebuddy msn :D good life there, but also a bit more chiong sua. and poof, 8 weeks flew by.

getting into BFSC was one of the luckiest things that ever happened to me. it's probably like the most practical, most useful, most enjoyable courses available in army. sure, PT was tough. but it was all worthwhile when you get to pass out. and i'm really glad i did. so damn nearly failed it. really hope those guys who still have a fighting chance will cherish it and make it through too..

and now, i'll get my posting for the next one year of NS on monday, tomorrow. staff heng said that he thinks i'm going to an air base. that's like the best ever man. 8am-5pm. weekdays. no weekends burn unless got guard duty? i can easily cycle to camp every day if it's paya lebar air base. i can go for HCult training once school starts when i end work at 5pm. i can go find zelia after 5pm whenever i like. man, doesn't even sound like i'm in army hurh! i'm really really lucky to be able to experience both staying in and staying out in my 2 years of army life. while staying in sucks, i guess it's somewhat a good experience ba. you get to rethink and reflect a lot of things. discover what you want and cherish. :D

our graduation parade was really epic. first of all, my PTI friend jephtath who was standing in front of me during the parade dropped his rifle. the rifle sling somehow unhooked itself when we went from hormat senja ta to julang. my heart almost jumped out when his rifle butt crashed to the floor omg. and guess what, MY DAD SAYS HE SAW IT HAPPEN OMG. luckily for jephtath, part of the rifle sling was still on his body so he could slowly pull the rifle up and held it by his side. and then when he discreetly hooked it back on, the rifle sling at the back was hooked by the stupid leg of the lower receiver group. double ownage omg. totally restricted his movement. then i tried to help him free up his rifle during one sediya, but it couldn't come out in that short second that i could risk to move my hand, hoping that no one would see. but in the end, he loosened it by unbuckling part of the sling so his movement wasn't so restricted. then during the march pass, when we turned and he came beside me, i sneaked a chance and finally managed to unhook the stupid sling from the leg. HAHA it was damn exciting la. epic moment of the parade man. scared the hell out of me. and jephtath of course. but it was interesting and exciting la. at least the whole incident kept us awake throughout the most boring part of the parade HAHA! too adrenalin pumping already!

and finally, the moment of the night. when our parents were allowed to invade the parade and put on our new 3SG rank for us. :D SERGEANT LO!!!!!!!!!!! everyone practically just went crazy at the end of the parade! and it was camwhore time! HAHA! :D :D :D

then went for HCult's very own TGCP 3 yesterday. :D reached there really late. like 2.5h late oops. but me zelia and xinmei bought ben and jerry's ice cream there okay. so nice of us :D woah it was really really packed in yinghui's house. there was hardly a corner which wasn't occupied by a human. can't imagine how it'd be like next year, when more j1s come in. holy cow, probably no room to even straighten your hands! that's if we're still holding the event at someone's house. unless we have someone who have an even more humongous house. :D :D

played their favourite drinking games for the first time. and lol it's super super addictive. not the alcohol la. but the games. epic to the max :D all the crazy stuff everyone came up with. ultimate sabotages during indian poker. lousy math during 7-up. stupid rules that made everyone die, basically it's the being-polite(no vulgarities) rule and speak-in-chinese rule. then it was super hilarious when someone said "SHIT!" coz he flouted both rules HAHAHAHAHAHA! double penalty! oh man it was really fun. and alcoholic drinks are disgusting :P but oh well, for the fun of the games. i guess it doesn't hurt as long as i don't over-drink. :D

HAHA i feel really really at ease and relaxed now. like i can finally properly enjoy myself after weeks of desperate hoping and feelings of helplessness when i thought i wasn't going to pass the FS course. it's really a huge burden removed. :D

guess that's about it for now. one last thing, i finally bought harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban!!!! OMG! :D :D :D after years and years.. HAHA! now i've got one last book to purchase to complete the entire series. and it's the first book. LOL! i'll get it sometime soon :D for now, it's time to read HP&PoA properly, from the book. :D

I PASSED OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-12-11T14:07:00.000+08:00

tag replies.
tyjiunn: jiayou liao! :D
e-hui: HAHA somebody not in uni too busy liao right.

WOOHOO i can't believe it! i really finally passed!!! yesterday 6 people conquered that final hurdle. i was the last of the six who passed yesterday, clocking a timing of 51:44. 16 seconds more and i'd have failed. and as of today, 20/35 of my course people have cleared the horribly tough CPFT. i'm glad to say i'm one of them :D

the way i passed was really epic. when i finally cleared the stupid low rope for the first time in all my CPFTs, the adrenalin rush was so crazy! but after a while, exhaustion took over and adrenalin couldn't really keep me going. but thanks to daryl chia who paced me for the whole 3.5km and one of the current FS, alvin (who joined in to pace me with 1km to go), i managed to keep on pushing, despite threatening to give up halfway. it was horrible, really. i thought i was never going to make it many points throughout the final 3.5km. but daryl just kept shouting at me and didn't even let me walk more than 20 seconds. i totally felt like i was going to die. my legs were totally void of strength as i ran the last 1km+. and everytime i subconsciously slowed down, daryl would start going crazy and shouted at me and hurled all the vulgarities he could think of.

"don't f***ing walk now! if you're f***ing going to walk, you're never going to make it. COME ON! DO YOU F***ING WANT TO DO THIS AGAIN? DO SO MANY F***ING TIMES FOR WHAT? YOU'RE WALKING AGAIN!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!"

epic seriously. and it really helped. i really owe my pass to daryl man. i was really on the verge of giving up already. i couldn't even control my legs properly anymore. then alvin came over and joined in to scold me as they tried to make me run. i was making all sorts of weird noises between painful sobs and desperation. and then alvin shouted.

"F*** YOU! DON'T MAKE THAT F***ING NOISE! DON'T F***ING SOUND LIKE YOU'RE GIVING BIRTH! F*** YOU! IF YOU'RE GOING TO F***ING WALK, MIGHT AS WELL F***ING WALK YOUR ASS HOME!"

and that, made me run again.

i could already hardly open my eyes. i couldn't really see where i was going already. my body and my mind were screaming for me to just stop and collapse, but something kept my legs going. i couldn't even see daryl and alvin properly, but all their crazy shouting just rang in my ears and pushed me on. and then with about 100m+ to go, my OC joined in to yell at me. i was the last guy who still had a chance to pass already then. he kept shouting at me too. though i can't remember what he was shouting already. i could only remember him whacking and whacking my helmet and trying to wake me up to keep going. there was once he whacked me so hard that i almost fell over. okay, come to think of it, it probably wasn't very hard. but probably because i was weak all over and couldn't even balance myself already.

and then i made the final turn, i could vaguely see the big TIMEX timer in front, which was where the end point was. it showed 51:XX. it was then, that hell broke loose in my mind. there was only one thing left to do, F***ING RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

step by step, it took all my willpower to hurl my body across the finishing line, and the instance i crossed it, i just fell and collapsed on the floor. HOW DRAMA! i really felt like there was no strength left in myself. i could hardly open my eyes, couldn't feel my legs, couldn't know what was going on around me. but i vaguely registered people crowding around me, helping me remove my helmet (and off came along my specs with it), my 10.5kg field pack, the 4kg dummy rifle, and my LBV. i could breathe finally. but i couldn't see how, i couldn't even feel i had a body. it was really scary, i thought i had ceased to exist. and then i felt people helping me up, but my legs couldn't take my weight and just gave way. then slowly, i felt myself being dragged off the road onto the basketball court, where they kept feeding me water and telling me to open my eyes. then i opened my eyes, and they just shut automatically again. if all those game characters could feel how it was to have ZERO HP left, this was certainly it. i felt drained of all energy. i just lay there for what felt like eternity.

and when i finally regained a bit of strength, i felt really dizzy. but i could finally stand up a bit, just a bit shaky. then i realised i had passed, and i just broke down into tears. and they were all staring at me like a joke! then i went to thank daryl. and went to the toilet to clean up my face.

i was finally kind of back to normal, then i realised everyone was making fun of me! they were all talking about how unglam i was omg. apparently, when i collapsed at the finishing line, i looked a horrible state. with my face entirely full of sweat, there was saliva uncontrollably just dripping out, face contorted with anguish. then everyone heard about the giving birth thing that alvin shouted and had a good laugh about it. it's really quite funny though.

and that, was my epic ending as an FS trainee. I HAVE FINALLY PASSED!!! i'm never going to do CPFT again!!! :D :D :D

with that, i could finally go and collect my FS goodie bag. which had all the FS merchandise we've all been dreaming about. the honourable almighty FS singlet!!! and our favourite FS-only wrist-band sergeant ranks!! and a free pair of $109 mizuno running shoes OMG! it's unbelievable. thinking back about all that shit we went through in the past 13 weeks, i've finally done it.

to think i used to hate those FS back in BMT days. now i know all the physical pain and mental torture they went through, i've nothing but respect for them. and i'm really happy and proud of myself for making it through. now that the tough times are over, the only thing people will think of us for the remaining one year is that we, FS, are freaking slackers who just sit in the gym all day long taking old NS-men. well, that's okay. we ourselves know what we've went through, and that's all that matters. now, i just hope that the rest of us who have not yet passed, can do likewise. i can't bear to see all the 13 weeks of hard work go down the drain. it's crazy really, i wouldn't be able to take it... praying that they'll all make it through too. jiayou guys!

ENDURE AND EXCEL!

self-training

2010-12-04T23:47:00.000+08:00

i finally got to do my own self training. after waking up late yesterday and the sun was too bright for anything.. and despite waking up one hour after my alarm this morning, it was really cloudy and windy so i decided to do my own PT before lunch.

did 20 odd push ups with my 10kg rice pack put in a bag. did 30 sit-ups with the rice too. then 3 sets of 30 seconds plank, again with the 10kg. then went out to run around my neighbourhood for my 10kg run. thankfully the rice is put inside my bag, i'd look freaking stupid running with a sack of rice. -.-""" anyway i ran about 4.5km with the rice. that's 3 rounds around my neighbourhood. according to gothere.sg's calculations, each round is 1506m. and during the 4.5km, i did monkey bars to train for swing trainer and parallel bars too. wah the parallel bars near my house are like freaking short i have to bend my knees to do. and the bars are damn thick. totally different from SOC de.

and i met staff jason during my run too. actually he spotted me from his car when he was driving. he actually stopped at the bus stop and said hello! haha i didn't even know he stay hougang also. it was damn weird la o.o

then i finished my training, had lunch, and then went for the FIC attachment. i got attached to the running group, for the NSmen undergoing remedial training. the running group was weak in running obviously. and guess what. i got asked to run with them omg. but thankfully the pace was slow beyond anything. :D but that's another 1.8km + 2.4km = 4.2km to my account today. imagine running 8.7km on a fine weekend. that's pretty no life hurh. but then, you realise that the stanchart 42.195km run is in 6 hours' time and i think i should appreciate my 8.7km. so yeah.

going for attachment again tmr. then i'll have one last one to clear. fine sunday morning, spend on NSmen and their remedial training. haiiii. 7.30am - 10am. gone. oh well, i'd have been sleeping during that time anyway.

i feel damn sian today. like, though there's nothing wrong, but i'm like in this rather twitchy mood. i think it's CPFT stress. hai..

prove me wrong please.

2010-12-04T00:26:00.001+08:00

i'm beginning to forget how it feels already.

slowly but surely? prove me wrong, please..

week 12

2010-12-02T23:54:00.002+08:00

and i failed CPFT again. this time, i finished last. last of everyone who did it on wednesday. the night before, i was so determined to pass, planning out everything that i wanted to do, thinking of the entire process, running it through my mind, time and again..

on the day itself, my swim was fantastic. i swam my fastest ever timing, and naturally got out of the pool and put on my FBO faster than i had ever done. my 1.5km run to the SOC ground was also excellent. reached there at the 20 minutes mark, which was within my plan. cleared the low wall with ease, parallel bar, swing trainer. and poof. there was the low rope. i painstakingly looped myself up 4 times, i was so agonizingly close.. i reached for the bar, and my middle finger scraped it. i tried to make another loop, and reached for the bar again, and again, my middle finger scraped it. obviously it was a no count. :( i couldn't hang on anymore, i had exerted all my strength and endurance up there. and i fell from 2m+ crashing into the wet sand below. from then on, i knew there was no hope of passing my CPFT that day. the obvious thing was to try and clear the low rope again, but it was too much. i had already spent every ounce of energy i had, hanging on the first time, trying to clear it once and for all. no go.. hai.. the disappointment was just insane. it felt so terrible. i totally felt crushed by it all. in the end, i finished with a timing of 68 minutes due to an obvious reluctance to even bother running.

it's not a race, it's a state of mind. or so says Nike. but really, easier said than done hurh?

even so, i have one last chance on tuesday, if i want to attend Combined Arms Term. it's not the final chance to graduate as an FS, but it's just the last chance to go CAT. if we don't pass on tuesday, we stay back during CAT to continue trying to pass it.

i have never been more worried about it. i'm so determined to pass it, i've actually planned out my own PT regime to be carried out tomorrow and saturday. then i'll rest on sunday and monday for tuesday's test. and it's for that, that i'm not going for frisbee tmr and on sat. when you think about it, it's just so demoralising. that those few people who've passed, have got nothing to worry anymore. life's all smooth-sailing for them now. how i wish i was one of them. :(

there's the stupid AFC dinner tomorrow. FORMAL attire. darn. i still dunno whether i should wear my blazer or not. but i don't think many ppl will wear. so i guess i won't either. but i think i'll wear my favourite tie though!

BFSC dinner today was quite good la. it was enjoyable at least.. the food was insane la. ate until damn full. though everyone else probably ate more than me.. i guess i have a small stomach. o.o proportionate to me!

and hm. liverpool's playing tonight. on hindsight, i think i shall not watch it. then i'll wake up earlier and train myself. i'm taking it extremely serious this time.

now, watch me pass.

when shit happens...

2010-12-01T23:49:00.001+08:00

when shit happens, it comes non-stop.

worse than a diarrhea. much much worse.. oh well.

fluuuu

2010-11-28T17:03:00.002+08:00

rah. got flu now. dunno why also. feel sleeeeeeepy. and weak. :(

all my plans to train this weekend for CPFT have gone down the drain. argh. now i'm honestly scared. scared that 11 weeks of hardcore training are going to be negated by one bout of flu. scared that the stupid flu's gonna render me useless in the face of the SOC. scared that when everyone's enjoying themselves in the combined arms term, i'm still in the course, struggling to pass by 15th dec. 2 weeks of last chances. sounds like a long time, but it's not really that long, is it?

I WANT TO PASS. i've never been more desperate to pass anything. okay, maybe my A levels econs.. but, this is scary. if i fail, i'm getting kicked back into ASLC. there's too much at stake. please let me pass omg. i'll do whatever it takes!

week 11

2010-11-27T00:00:00.002+08:00

AND THEY'RE BACK!

although now they're all sleeping, it doesn't feel like the house is empty anymore. :D it was so noisy just now. i like. :D i'm home!

week 11 was mainly slacking and chionging. slacking coz a lot of the stuff in the schedule all done liao. so we had like nothing to do for large periods of time. chionging coz there were 2 sessions of CPFT. the first of which, i failed by 21 minutes. and also failed to clear low wall, parallel bar and low rope. the second of which, i managed a stark improvement! improved by 9 minutes, and finally cleared low wall and parallel bar. :D

but next week, i've got to pass it next week. if i don't, then i won't get to join the combined arms term. will have last chance until 15th dec, if we pass by then, then we can go for the CAT parade on the 17th parade, without attending the CAT. so i've gotta cut 12 minutes by this week. and also pass low rope.

tall order. but it's either do or die. i'm not intending to fail the course after 11 weeks of intensive training, probably the toughest thing i'll ever do in my life..

went for hcult training this morning. to be honest, i thought it was really crappy. it doesn't help when you have people who have such insanely low self-esteem and self-belief. how the hell is it going to help if you keep on saying that you can't do this you can't do that? i don't even feel a desire to improve. it's almost like, you're just attending training so you can put yourself down somemore. i was totally pissed off by that kind of ridiculous mentality. if you were expecting yourself to be some godlike imba shit right from day 1, then too bad that's never going to happen. it's almost like you expect to see obvious improvement results after one or two trainings. that's like a childish, ridiculous and impossible expectation. we all got where we are now from tons of hard work over the past few years. if you expect to be as good in half a year or something, that's totally insulting all the hard work and effort all your seniors have put in. come on la, grow up please. nobody's going to help you if you don't help yourself first.

went for nihon mura buffet at cathay after training with kanzy jiawei daryl and dayong. it was quite insane haha. we had tons and tons of sashimi. and all that lousy fish squirming jokes which were hilarious. and frisbee people being frisbee people, we naturally talked about how if we layout-ed then, all the salmon sashimi would fly out and squirm and flop around. retarded much but still, <3 it was good fun discussing about our favourite miss tan siu ching and her eccentricities too. bei yong you duo :D ah how i'd like to jump right into my own memory pensieve and take a look at all those years again. okay i think i looked really funny last time, so nvm. -.-

time to sleep!

empty house again.

2010-11-26T01:27:00.002+08:00

tag reply.
daryl: thanks!

just this morning, when MSG kelvin threatened to confine us till saturday morning, completely changing a "long weekend" into a non-weekend, i would have given anything to book out today.

now however, on hindsight, i probably wouldn't mind if i were in camp sleeping right now on the bed which many have used before me, in the dusty room right beside the expressway.

while most of us would enjoy some alone time once in a while, this is a few times too much for me. haiz.

3 ways to combat being alone at home.

1) come home late. this, i've already done so. i reached home an hour ago.

2) sleep as soon as possible. this, well it's coming soon.

3) go for HCult training tmr.

time to commence number 2.

empty house.

2010-11-23T20:31:00.002+08:00

it sucks to return to an empty house.

after 19 years of coming back to this little shelter, filled with voices, it just feels different to come back to realise that the house is dark and empty. discovering that i'd have liked to return home to one where my family's around. not where they're all at hongkong T.T

it JUST has to be this week. the fateful week where everything clashes. when i'm given the chance to come home thanks to the nice schedule, my family ain't around. suddenly, this house doesn't seem so small anymore. it feels like it's grown too big. like it's too big for only my existence. i'm in my own world, with my laptop here. waiting to go back into camp later.

haix. i've been feeling emo this few days. isn't a good week man. and the thought of failing CPFT = failing the course has been weighing down. doubly hard today, after CI's INSPIRATIONAL talk. i dunno where he learnt to be so demoralising, but it certainly affected a lot of us.

I SWEAR I'M GOING TO WORK DAMN HARD AND PASS MY CPFT. CUTTING 21 MINUTES IS NOTHING!